Jon Bon Jovi has (evidently) sold over 130 million albums (Great Job, Wikipedia!), (probably) has more money than I could possibly dream of, and legions of adoring fans (some of whom, obviously, are psychotic quite annoying, though).

"Just One More Thing"? Steve Harvey became Columbo so gradually I didn't even notice.

Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it.

No, but I have it all the time.

Hmmmm. Perhaps. Does anyone have visual documentation of Alan Greenspan's taint on the day in question? Uh, asking for a friend…

Well, prison will do that to a person. I went into the clink looking like Chris Hemsworth in the first Thor movie. When I came out…let's just say I won runner-up in our local "Oprah Winfrey Circa 2009 Lookalike Contest."

See, what I don't get is why no one is looking into Ted Cruz's whereabouts on January 13, 1999 regarding this matter.

I can relate. My sleep for the past several goddamned weeks has been getting interrupted by all the fireworks my asshole neighbors have been lighting off until 3 in the morning — even on weekdays! (completely unrelated: it must be nice not to have a job) — in a display of true patriotism and celebration for our…

Glad to hear you are in therapy! I'm wishing the best for you, man. (Pretty sure you're a guy. If wrong, my sincere apologies!)

Agreed on both counts. I had such a pro-Joel bias that I really disliked Mike when he took over, but time has worn it down and I can appreciate each host in his own right (even though Joel is still my favorite).

Obviously, just an internet stranger here who wouldn't know one way or the other, but are you able to see professionals for counseling and medication? As someone who has his own mental health issues (ADHD, depression, and anxiety), they are incredibly helpful.

"It's a trap."
- General Ackbar

After every playing of The Star Spangled Banner, I always, in the spirit of true patriotism, yell "Suck it, England." (Which, admittedly, is a bit weird when I'm home alone…)

"No. We consider those to definitely be a different category."
- Pixar exec who greenlit That One Guy Who Walked Past in The Incredibles

Like being expected to bust my ass at work the day after the 4th of July like some kind of goddamned animal.

I hope to see those ghosts busted too, but only if wacky hijinks and hilarity ensue.

Somewhere, James Woods starts a "Write in Jake Gyllenhaal for President" campaign. (Allegedly.)

Somewhere, Ernest Hemingway raises his mojito in approval.

I still lock the doors at night knowing that animal is out on the loose. The biggest U.S. justice system fail since O.J.

Not gonna lie, I'd definitely watch this.