I really hope the cult in this movie is the Sunshine Carpet Cleaners.

He's the real victim here.

Okay, so I just watched that entire video and it's safe to say that I would watch a full-length feature about Maru over like 98% of the movies that get made…and that number might be on the low side.

I can only assume that "gomd" means that dotdotcurveordie went to med school and earned his or her MD.

But are you also a badass ex-commando? Because that seems to be the key to livin' the dream…

Not enough.

It made me want to become a summer school teacher…until I saw The Substitute. Then I wanted to be a badass ex-commando who occasionally helps disadvantaged youths achieve their full potential while fucking up bad guys.

That list does not have nearly enough Tyler Perry movies for my taste. *turns up nose, walks right into Madea's ample bosoms, hilarity ensues*

And if not, we're a creative lot and will surely come up with some very practical suggestions for you!

Wait, does the mean he elected to *ahem* do the right thing?

Close enough!

Just stopped by to see who Spike is angrily tweeting today…

The waiter found out what that meant, now didn't he?

Clearly, my calling in life is to be a TV exec. They probably have like an online application for that, right? Or is it one of those deals where you have to shank someone?

The twist? This season will be "to the death."

His finishing move was a bit elaborate.

So because of that sketch, Rob Schneider became a thing. Huh. That's pretty terrible, all things considered, but at least his The Stapler movie was perfectly cromulent.

Tantric sex.

The Sarlacc has a mini-hospital in there that is manned by The Albino from The Princess Bride.

*ears detect screams and sirens, nose picks up scent of Maple Syrup*
Wait, do I what now??