Well, you're unadjusted for inflation!

And Trump thinks he needs to make this country great again…

There are no bounds of Wookipedia's knowledge.

Also, the sun is hot.

Oh, I was only making a joke. If Gene Siskel really did say that, it's just an amazing coincidence.

This movie is gonna make Basic Instinct look like Basic Instinct 2.

Plus, I hear Daredevil hangs dong and I'm very interested in seeing that.

*launches Kickstarter campaign*

Pretty sure you're just plagiarizing Gene Siskel's review. (He's the one that's still alive, right?)

"Needs more tits."
- HBO CEO of Tits (probably)

As one does.

Yeah, not seeing it is actually going to cost you $20. Sorry about that!

A UCLA-educated PhD is listening to Jenny McCarthy… Eh, it's America; I'm less surprised by that than I should be.

I was just letting it all hang out…but HR wrote me up for that.

This One Weird Trick Will Get You a Date with a Pogo Stick (or a Game of Thrones Actress)

I don't know about that. I vaguely remember watching the documentary Pi and some dude totally did it.

Joey Lawrence wasn't able to participate because he's dead, right?

My other, always-less-successful New Year's resolution is to master the concept of time as being a linear series of events.

…I wear my sunglasses at night.

In a related story, Trump was lying.