"I knew it. As your president, I will…"
- Ben Carson *dozes off before spouting mindless homophobic rhetoric, has wet dream about Channing Tatum*

D'oh!

Did he do it Kanye-style?

Don't give Fallon the idea for a Family Ties reunion that he will be jerking off to for the next several months.

On the homefront, we will start calling them Freedom Sticks!
- Bob Ney

I'm not crying…it's just raining on my face.

Given that, why does Fox want to hold onto the FF film rights? Why not just let them go back to Marvel??

So did Oscar Bluth.

- and the chicken

Or buy a house for the price of a VCR. (I have reliable sources on this one.)
*amends definition of "reliable sources" to read "the Internet" in his copy of the OED*

*starts canning Hershey bars*

I think the shark's name is Marky Mark and he could have stopped 9/11 all by himself. So, yeah, sharks are rather interesting.

*gets notepad and pen back out, amends previous note*

When I heard about controversial "Subway ads," I thought they were bringing back Jared from Subway.

*gets out notepad and pen*

So is it the aural equivalent of a "punch to the neck" or a "slap to the face right when you wake up?" The answer will greatly determine my willingness (or not) to listen to this…

I think Donald Trump, and just him.

Maybe the winner of the Mr. America contest can do that? (That's a thing, right??)

He's a true Renaissance man. Semi-related: I'm hoping he reviewed the movie Renaissance Man. That I would like to read.

Like the car from The Counselor?