So your thing is that when jokes go over your head you troll? Cool, bro.

Hey just because you believe Neverland is for real doesn't mean the rest of us do. Quit forcing your religion on the rest of us. Also, because of your cheery disposition, I dub thee Captain Happypants.

Nothing unnatural about that. Simultaneously rough and smooth with a delicious flavor. Once you go cracker, you never go back…er.

Yeah, he's a musical comedian, lampooning social topics mostly. Long since retired but his albums are pretty funny. Google "New Math" or "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park".

This is why I kept telling the judge 50 Shades of Gray is fine as a bedtime story for children. If they don't know what the words mean, it's not inappropriate. (Also, love me some Lehrer)

Her left arm is always photoshopped or CGI, she's an amputee, but she hides it well.

What a load of croc

Then you weren't trying….hard enough?

And then you die. ::swiped star implodes into black hole::

In my defense, he played hide'n'seek, I played 'negligent babysitter'

I played tag as a kid, and to this day 'it' haunts me.

Hey, there's still time, dammit. Give us a chance.

Maybe that jingle was too fast for me, but I need clarification: is there some way I can eat pizza anytime?

But then overly litigious America will sue the Super Bowl for stealing their "we'll sue over anything" idea from them.

There's an old Google myth that if you search for Rachel Dratch the results come back "Did you mean to search for Tina Fey?" Almost everybody clicks 'Yes'.

Danny Trejo mexican't play a Frenchman.

When they realized they'd cast Grown Ups's Adam Sandler and not Punch Drunk Love's Adam Sandler.

Clearly everything since Homer had the car land on his head in "Kidney Trouble" in season 10 has been a comatose dream inside Homer's head as Dr. Hibbert extracted a kidney for Abe Simpson. Hence why the episodes haven't been very smart since then and have been on the decline, a metaphor for neural degeneration as…

Hey now, Col Flanders is a perfectly fine name. It's no Darill, but it has its merits.

[Plants a tree in footprint to offset Yeti's impact]