I bet this girls parents are living fucking nightmares of lawsuit threateners. Gif party in the comments for the best approximate representation.

So glad he wore his compression shorts today

Having worked in high-end retail, I can tell you that the burger scammers genuinely do not remember that the same person served them twice. People with that kind of entitlement do not notice anyone in the world but themselves.

You’re a gem.

I just wrote about this. This case is about violence against women. It makes me fucking furious that almost none of the mass media will even touch that angle of the story. Here’s my column about it: http://www.nuvo.net/GuestVoices/ar…

I henceforth move that all efforts of showboating/desperate attention seeking, wedded or non-, be rated on a 1-5 Kardashian scale. The K-Scale, if you will.

Went to a wedding where a couple of pro ballroom dancers were in attendance (cousins of the B+G). Brides mom begged them to “perform.” They adamantly refused to upstage the couple, kept it to standard dance moves on the floor. Classiest shit I’ve ever seen at any wedding, anywhere.

There are a few fixes for this (sort 0f). The easiest way is to go get high-end foundation from a brand like Make Up For Ever. One of the easiest ways to stretch your buck if you don’t have the cash to buy stuff from a Sephora-like location is to tone correct. One way is go buy a tube of really dark concealer in your…

I always have colors as deep as “blue black,” but my clients are all very diverse. I’ve known artists who only worked in the rich, white neighborhoods who could not for the life of them do ethnic makeup. Flipside: it’s expensive to buy new product, but it’s totally possible to keep a small kit together that works for…

The headline implies that the apogee of feminism is that our bodies and genitals function like male bodies and have all of our social hierarchies revolve around phallocentric social cues.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHOOONAAAY!!!! I’m pretty straight, and I’m very attracted to this woman. Oh my, real confidence is sexy. Can I bring back “three snaps”? I’m doing it. These outfits/these ideas/this smile deserved THREE SNAPS. *snap**snap**snap*

Joey Chestnut is the nicest person I’ve ever interviewed for any writing job. I walked away with a slight crush, even. If he choked to death, I might have to sit shiva.

What a snot-nosed little shit created by the entitled pricks who raised (and apparently continue to legally advise) her.

“Hi, I went to Yale and I do tricks so my husband will give me money. I married into a life of elite, inter-marital prostitution. Pass the seltzer water.”

“You have a new match!”

ProTip: DO NOT swipe too quickly on Tinder when you have a big family wedding in town, especially after you’ve taken your contacts out at 1 am. It gets...awkward.

ETA: Every shower is round, door and curtainless, and surrounded built of floor-to-ceiling clear glass blocks on the sides FACING THE HALLWAYS AND THE STREET IN THE CASE OF THE MASTER. Now you have the full visual.

So my parents bought their retirement home from a wealthy, childless gay couple. Y’all, this spot is wall-to-wall party showers. We’re talking minimum 25 square feet in the smallest one with 3 shower heads, and the master bedroom with, no fucking shit, 12 heads total and enough room to comfortably fit at least 10-15…

“I know I’m not the most handsome guy, but I bet I’d look a lot better with your pussy juice all over my face.”

I don’t know why they aren’t handing out a combo pack of Bibles, mini constitutions and A Handmaiden’s Tale at the GOP convention.