Apologies in advance for the length, but I went on a month-long trip with the Worst Woman In The World, and it takes some time to relate. The trip in question an around-the-world backpacking extravaganza with some grad school friends to celebrate our graduation before settling down to real life. Three of the women…

I want to boycott the Emmys because they didn't nominate Tatiana Maslany AGAIN but I wanna see all the pretty dresses.

dammit you beat me to it

The Jersey Shore will soon meet a newcomer named Rory B. Bellows:

A friend of mine got told on the Fourth of July that her husband wanted a divorce. He blamed her for everything - she was too in to her career, she wasn't getting pregnant fast enough, and a bunch of other douche canoe things in a list that smelled, shall we say, fishy, from the beginning.

No, it's those damn DRA's.

I bet the catriarchy did this

My dog just died. To say she was my best friend doesn't do justice to the bond we shared. I know dogs don't live forever. I know she was sick. I know she had a great life. I thought I had prepared for her death, I had no idea it would feel like this.

Only problem with this: Now I want grilled cheese.

The first sentence literally sets your expectations so you can't be disappointed! I reject your disappointment! Take. It. Back.

"Oh, you're right, Smithers; I guess I owe you a coke."

I don't want to hear one FUCKING word about Happy being overplayed until Let it Go is slaughtered and buried in a shallow, unmarked grave. Not kidding, NOTHING gets to be called "overplayed" until the week when I don't see a single "blah blah, firefighter dad frozen song in the car" does not show up in the rotation. …

I rather miss the line in the old Anglican vows that goes, "With my body, I thee worship." Kinda sexy, actually.

I swear, half the reason I stay married is so I won't have to deal with bullshit wedding expectations again.

Pretty good! It's my Friday!

"Fuck I want pie." - Jason Biggs

More like a butter mistress. Fuck I want pie.

But there are sizeable cracks in their pots, as they demonstrate every day.

FOX NEWS ALERT: PRESIDENT IS A CRACK SMOKING FIEND. STRONG DENAILS FROM THE FIRST LADY BUT WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN? OUR PANEL OF COMPLETELY UNBIASED EXPERTS WEIGH IN AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL FOR WHISKEY AND CIGARETTES.