Well, I have a message for everyone involved in this. I’m sorry we’re in this situation. And, um ... I’m just sorry we’re in this situation.

Guillan-Barre comes in two varieties. Acute (almost always (*almost*)), and he’ll be fine in a few weeks or so. Chronic is really rare and he’ll never play football again.

Meanwhile, Jerry Jones remains infuriatingly healthy.

She is the party, we’ve been the asshole guests ignoring her requests for decades.

There’s no “the left”, only public corporations enforcing their policies (finally).

Remember that sick play when he jumped in the car and avoided being arrested at the murder scene?!?!?!?! Crazy bro.  

MJ might be the greatest of all time, but Jesus CHRIST he is such a pussy. 

Yeah, but you put him in black and orange and see how fast that same crowd believes in second chances

Here’s the dick pic she was flashing.

Colin Kaepernick is not on an NFL roster.

Someone get Dr. Pimple Popper on the blower. He might want to get that thing checked out. 

Could the Raptors flip him?

Gotta give him credit though, he destroyed his legacy in under 30 minutes.

And according to the contract, if Papa John leaves Papa John’s, he can rename the building

Loose-loose is how I would describe bowl movements created from Papa John’s pizza.

Apropos of nothing, the popularization and mainstreaming of the “lots of people are saying” rhetorical tic is just one of the myriad sins Trump has visited on this country.

Not sorry, especially since I got you so riled up.