I have two major takeaways from this:

I have had no less than 3 friends let me know that I would be the first one they’d kill in the event of a zombie event or apocalypse. “You’re the type of person who’d accidentally leave the door open and then everyone would get killed.” I’d like to pretend that’s not true...but it probably is.

THAT’S the thing. I can live off the land, I’ve got survival skills I’ve been itching to put to use. I can totally long-term survive.

It’s the running from things that can kill me that would...well...kill me

I really liked this piece — I think it does a good job of bringing out some nuances around trying to be a good, diligent partner. That said, I really need to point out some trends in the comments section that are representative of what happens in every comments section on the topic of sexual behavior.

It’s okay, I got this.

That terminal illness one gives me chills. I think my ex used that when I had cancer (which, given I am here, clearly was not terminal). And I realise I am projecting here but what woman goes, “oh, you poor thing, your wife is dying. So I should totally hop on your dick because she clearly doesn’t have enough to deal…

The problem is, every once in a while there is a story that gives them hope. Like, the one I read in which the guy says “I had to leave for a 2 week business trip, and before I left my girlfriend was acting strange, making calls and then not telling me what they were about and stuff. Then, when I was gone, my friend…

I think that’s most likely exactly what happened here. I bet during his grad program his now-wife was at home telling her friends “If I think about all the time we spend IMing and calling and skyping, he couldn’t possibly also be seeing someone over there, right?”

Fanfiception? Not going to lie, if it had Channing Tatum in it, I might go see it. Especially if it was written by monkeys. Make it a musical and I’m sold.

The best part of this whole thing would be if some shitty writer out there wrote a derivative, crappy fanfic of the Shades series, and somehow got it published, and it became totally popular and famous, and there was a movie made of it, and then another shitty writer wrote a derivative, crappy fanfic of that book, and…

I’m sorry. But even if she had gotten in trouble for drinking or smoking pot, I’m going to have to refrain from calling her a PIECE OF SHIT. She was a thirteen year old girl. If you get into the job of parenting you realize that upon entry to adolescence you are in for a world of hurt as your child begins to test the…

“Look at Catherine’s hideous hat, but don’t look like you’re looking. You look like you’re looking. Look back at me now.”

it looked like a cocktail weenie in a hay stack.

Personally, I was hoping for Fighting Sue, and have their mascot be a middle-aged white lady.

A few people have raised the questions “gee, isn’t this normal for the court system,” so I’ll address on this comment (with all respect to the other commenters who’ve asked, I’m only going to do it this one time).

Reading those words, in that handwriting, is absolutely gut-wrenching.

Oh, and also this: