I’m going to start going up to cis men and be like, “if you don’t show me your dick then I must assume you’re not actually a man sorry I don’t make the rules”

I once tried to text “Bah humbug” to a friend of mine who was being overly chipper during the holiday season. My phone autocorrected to “Vag humdinger”. And now that is what I say all the time.

“He raps” is doing me in. There is so much truth and poetry in such a small sentence.

Holy fuck, I am seriously dying. That is amazing. I hope whoever did that gets a raise.

Thanks. I was starting to wonder why no one was reacting to that part of the comment. Also, why is it that 100% of people who use the word “zaftig” are dicks? I’ve only ever seen it in the context of a dude on the internet judgmentally calling a normal sized woman “zaftig”. First time was about the lovely Lauren…

YEP!!! Immediate turn off for even imaginary relationships.

Jesus, she’s not pointing the finger at skinny women. She is speaking of the nebulous alternative of her own body. People have GOT to stop taking things so personally. Isn’t it exhausting? If she was responding to someone who slammed her for her body, we could have a point of comparison, but she’s not. She is just…

I assume the great majority do. I wasn't trying to be exclusionary, or acting as if my post was describing something only my wife and I do. I was just trying to illuminate how fun it is to orgasm other ways and not always feel the pressure too end everything with the standard penis in vagina. Some of my best orgasms…

Evanescence but, like, Nazi-themed?

Well, that can’t possibly hurt, right?

Ahhhh, sorry, I missed the friend of a friend part. So she’s a Nazi, he’s a dumdum, and you all have a mutual friend. I think you owe it to yourself and us to get all the hot Nazi gossip from your mutual friend and report back! Also, when Leni met you, did she know you were gay?

I have a condition that can sometimes make intercourse really painful. Both of us have fairly intense sex drives. Mutual masturbation and reciprocal oral are godsends. He’s over a foot taller than I am, so 69 doesn’t ever work out for us. But we get creative in plenty of other ways.

Would you love it if I told you I stole it from a really crappy band I saw play at a free concert at school festival a few years ago?

Honestly, there are times when mutual masturbation is just as excting as sex. I lucked out as my wife and I enjoy the same kind of kinks when it comes to porn, so we’ll watch it together and tell one another what we’d like to be doing. And then there’s my old favorite, sixty-nining. Nothing like simultaneous oral sex.…

Good Vodka is such a fucking joke. I mean there is bad vodka. But there isn’t good vodka. It’s just less bad.

They are really banking on the kind of dude who would buy this being the kind of dude who wouldn’t read the fine print.

The first thing is just common sense though. A lot of times when I’m out talking to women I’ll subtly pepper my sentences with sexy words like “penis”, “vagina”, “moist”, and “boobs”. 100% of women get do turned on that they have to immediately stop talking to me. You're welcome, fellas.

Damn girl, no need to be a frigid bag of bitch tits, I’m just trying to loosen you up. Here, have a sip.

Of COURSE having more sex won’t help the relationship.

Having a baby is how you save your marriage.