Ahhhh!! Army of Tiny Dogs to the rescue!

OH MY GOD I LOVE HER!!! THAT FACE!!!

WRONG. So wrong.

You can still be technically "obese" and still have a healthy heart, eat a healthy diet, and exercise regularly. Obese is just a term for a high BMI depending on height. You can be 25-30 lbs overweight and considered "obsese" for your height. So yeah, if you are an unhealthy eater and don't exercise, then sure you can…

Dude, that's the point. It's a MAGIC truck, meaning volcano-proof.

I want to know more about this Wardrobe Malfunction that supposedly rocked my world.

Gentlemen, this is how you wear a beard.

I'm not sure how I feel about this fabric transition - it's a bit unflattering - but damn Oprah looks amazing. LOVE her hair. And the boobage too!

SHE IS SO FUCKING STUNNING. WOW. What a joy to see her on the red carpet.

What if it wasn't necessarily "your evening" - as in your birthday - but just a night with friends? Come on, it would be awesome.

Yay for more WOC as leads! Ugh I love her.

You will. But only by a little bit. :)

It's such a simple joy! Pure emotion, no rationality. Dogs are the best.

Awww she looks so good! Well done, Brit.

WOW! Another white girl! Something new for Vogue!

GOD I LOVE IDRIS ELBA. But Jared Leto? Seriously, what do people see in him? Now he's trying to look like Kurt Cobain or something? If so, epic fail, Jared. Ugh.

And booze. Don't forget the booze!

Glistening tear biscuit Glenn Beck

Thanks for writing these, Callie. I get to come here to Jezebel instead of reading the tabloids in the grocery store line.

I'm disappointed, Jezebel. I expected to see puppies actually painting. But NO. Instead I get puppies being puppies. DAMN YOU.