You will. But only by a little bit. :)

It's such a simple joy! Pure emotion, no rationality. Dogs are the best.

Awww she looks so good! Well done, Brit.

WOW! Another white girl! Something new for Vogue!

GOD I LOVE IDRIS ELBA. But Jared Leto? Seriously, what do people see in him? Now he's trying to look like Kurt Cobain or something? If so, epic fail, Jared. Ugh.

And booze. Don't forget the booze!

Glistening tear biscuit Glenn Beck

Thanks for writing these, Callie. I get to come here to Jezebel instead of reading the tabloids in the grocery store line.

I'm disappointed, Jezebel. I expected to see puppies actually painting. But NO. Instead I get puppies being puppies. DAMN YOU.

Seriously! How can they call it Polly Pocket when it doesn't even close up to fit in your pocket anymore?

When I rushed a sorority back in 2001, I was shocked to hear how much money dues would cost me. RIDICULOUS, and now all this just makes that whole culture worse, and perpetuates the "rich people get special treatment" attitude.

THAT IS THE BEST MEME IN THE HISTORY OF MEMES.

Me too! Have a (free) high-five!

Yes, it would.

Empathy and compassion are not traits to be ashamed of or indicators of weakness or gullibility. They are, in fact, crucial to real growth, maturation and emotional health. You deserve them as well, and I hope you will learn to extend them to others, and especially to yourself.

Had your attacker not attacked you, had your attacker been more of an empathetic human, had your attacker not wanted to abuse anyone - these are the things you should be saying rather than "had I not enabled them." The only way the incident in question simply wouldn't take place is if your attacker decided not to…

If every person who had experienced abuse looked at the way you did we would have no services, there would be no literature, or community to help people move on. There would be a generation of hard people saying, "I dealt with it, so you can too and without my sympathy."

after she and her boyfriend, nonmurderer George Zimmerman

I mentioned to my husband how awesome I thought it was . Hair of that strength and length seems like it would be heavy, but hot damn that woman is a ball of gorgeous.

THANK YOU. What a dick.