This is shitty. This looks shitty.

Yes! Insurance didn’t believe me when I said I had a drum set and two sets of golf clubs all worth about $5k stolen. I had pictures so all was good.

I had to climb down from a 2nd floor apartment balcony to escape an ex with BPD who was having one of her maniac moments because I wanted to go hit golf balls at the driving range with a buddy. a male buddy. “golf is for getting away from and cheating on wives..” etc, etc.

Usually when a white man visits Thailand on his own, he’s usually going to bugger kids. 100% true if the man is british.

That dude on the far left seemed to handle it the best. 

Considering the kid is normal and white, I’m surprised it’s even on Jez and probably downright triggering on Splinter!

an Ivanka vs. Chelsea election would be insane.

She’s going to be way more protected and cared for in Houston. Plus the medical opportunities in Houston are among the best in the world, which I’m guessing she’ll need at some point.

Me and the wife were super hungover the other day and decided to watching something froofroo and so we picked this and it was actually an enjoyable watch. John Corbett as the dad was pretty funny too, as he’s one of those actors you don’t know but know you’ve seen in things before and he usually has a funny line or…

“Is that a phone charger in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

“Is that a phone charger in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

foreign men who are by themselves (usually British) are there for the sole purpose of diddling kids. 

Chipotle has by far the best plastic silverware. Although I haven’t been back in two years to see if they’ve changed it. When I was younger my roommate used to go and get chipotle to go and snag like 20 of each plastic utensil on the way out. 

tips glass. Austinite here. I am about a driver and flushed 3 wood from the proposed Austin stadium. I feel for you guys, but am excited at the same time. Just have a slight worry that in a few years, if attendance slips, PSV will take the club to another city. 

As an Austinite, I’m rooting for Austin. Columbus is a pathetic soccer city with the lowest MLS Attendance by far. Even after the “Save the crew” hysteria they couldn’t get more people to go to games. 

Considering the Crew have the lowest MLS Attendance by far, I say good riddance to that city and welcome to Austin!

Save the Crew! (by bringing them to Austin)

Was low-key expecting Scarlett Johannson to get this role, but this should work

The texts would come at all hours of the night, numbering in the thousands. “Have you been with an older guy?” “You’re really hot, so it’s worth the risk of getting in trouble.” “Has your daddy fucked you today?”

as a defender (in a beer league) that tackle and counter warmed my cockles.

Tell him something came up and email them a pre-paid label from Fedex/UPS/USPS for them to send you your Wii back. I’ve literally done this with relatives I hate over trivial shit like a stupid shirt.