Goddamit Kim, now Jesus has to pick up the slack since there’s one less person in the office. He’s definitely not going to be able to slide out early the Friday before a 3 day weekend.

This is an utterly brilliant history joke with so many layers. And starvation.

“Like a good neighbor, state farm is there.”

- Stalin, to the Ukrainians

A non-profit social center in Columbus had an astounding response to the signs that were up at Ohio State. (This is a mock-up. People were begging them to actually print it and put it up)

For what it’s worth, these douchebros made a sign that sounds like they want to call the father’s “Daddy,” not that they want the daughters to call them Daddy.

I dislike vodka. That being said, GIVE ME A LARGE SHOT OR FIVE THANK YOU.

Right here.

YES I REQUIRE SEVERAL LARGE SHOTS NOW.

Who needs some? I have plenty.

Seems like Fraternities around the US will not rest until they are all disbanded and no longer allowed to exist. That is perfectly fine with me.

Cheeto fart and short-fingered vulgarian are my favorites. For Palin, I always liked Bible Spice.

Guest on Maher said he empowers assholes. This is the best explanation that exists.

The worst. There was this one song called Mother Trucker that she hummed all the time. She hummed it like it was a gospel song, she even closed her eyes while doing it sometimes. God I hated that woman. I bet she tells people that I’m her black friend so she can’t be racist.

Approximately nothing about that surprises me.

I got my hair cut yesterday, and at the salon I overheard an older woman talk about how she loved Trump because he was going to “take care of Hillary”, and how she can’t wait to see that happen. I have to wonder if he’s popular right now, not because of what he is, but of what he isn’t.

Pink hat.

Wow, I worked with this woman. She always changed the office Pandora station to country music. Not the good kind either, the new kind where women are compared to trucks and beer. I tried to be diplomatic and put on a top 40 radio station, but she always changed it back. We had so many passive aggressive stare downs.

And trust, GOD has absolutely NOTHING to do with this insanity. But you should be worrying about the side effects of this nut. Rolling Stone has a valid point.

Man, that’s a lot of white people.