GAWD where is Lindy West when we need her? http://jezebel.com/5942622/taste-…

I hate the foodier-than-thous even more than I hate chef worship.

Seriously? That is the reality of having a digestive issue or actual food allergy. It's not fun but it's necessary so as not to DIE/have a bad reaction.

Wow, you just really want to make things the server's fault, don't you? Also, re-read the root beer story. He was TRYING to explain when she started shouting at him. So you have one story out of seven that would've been shortened (but wouldn't be as funny) if the server had asked a question or tried to clarify…

How is it gross to say, 'I cannot eat whole seeds or nuts, does this [food] have whole seeds or nuts?' You don't have to explain why or lie about having an allergy.

My empathy ended when they got angry with the staff over it. My field o' fucks went barren.

Well, would you be particularly interested in continuing in conversation with somebody that has called you an incompetent retarded fascist over soda?

You're quite sure that not one "oh" was an "I acknowledge that nothing I do or say will prevent this person from describing their idiosyncratic self-concept to me in exhaustive detail" kind of "oh"?

At least they aren't WASPS.

I am often surprised by what people will not shell out extra for. If you can't afford a $50 meal instead of a $40 meal, maybe you shouldn't be going out to eat as often? I apply this to people who insist on taking their kids everywhere. I was at a classical music concert a few weeks ago at a big and generally…

I worked in doctors office. I collected the paper that held the diagnoses for you after you saw the doctor as well as your co-pay. When I told a guy his copay was 10 dollars, he gave me a "bill" and told me to keep the change and basically bolted out.

You can stop now, Midwestern Christians are not an oppressed group.

You just described my nightmare.

"A pizza" refers to the entire thing. Absolutely no one would say "I want a pizza" and be given a fucking slice. That's why the term "a slice" exists. You are wrong.

Friday night pizza is no longer "a thing I like to do" or even a tradition. IT IS PART OF ME IS IT FRIDAY YET

Well I love pizza and hate children, so this is nothing but a clear win for me.

Pizza. Who doesn't love it? Why wouldn't you? Oh, I don't know, maybe because IT IS KILLING CHILDREN, YOU HORRIBLE MONSTER.

No lie: if I don't get pizza at least once a week i get agitated. I've formed this habit over a LIFETIME of Friday night pizza night.

Just eat it on the toilet.

Because she was an ass about it. She was rude to the server as were her friends. If she'd been polite then fair enough it would be mean to laugh, but she wasn't.