There's an idea. Topped with extra French's French fried onions. <3

They manage their pain with weed, ergo organic.

Jennifer. A responsible mom tells her young child she's just laughing her ass off over the toy because it looks like so much fun, then quietly removes the bizarre appendage from the packaging after said child is sound asleep on the floor. Responsible mom can then keep the doohickey to show her friends over cocktails…

I like to think of eggnog as melted vanilla ice cream spiked with a ton of booze, with a scoosh of nutmeg on top. I can drink a gallon by myself.

Edward Gorey knew what to do with fruitcake:

Fruitcake is one of those mind boggling things that I enjoy now as an Old.

"blerp blerp you just haven't had good fruitcake blerp blerp i will come to your house and make you eat my fruitcake which is good fruitcake and then i will not leave/untie you from the chair until you admit that it is good fruitcake blerp blerp"

The mirth and happiness that I have just murdered.

To be fair, most of them were probably homophobic shit stains before the Duggars robocall.

What "documents" do you expect him to have when it sounds like none of the women reported the rape?

hello i would like to order 22 narwhals pls

Although I obsess about many things (some good, some not), for some reason I have never given more than a moment of thought to narwhals. And now I'm so happy to have something new to be excited about (sort of the way I love elephants, and LeVar Burton, and that cat who attacked the dog that attacked the boy, and…

EDITED: I posted this as a response to you, and then I didn't see it pop up. So I thought I had messed up, and tried posting it again (this time as a response to Adultosaur). And now it's here twice, and I'm embarrassed.

sometimes i forget if narwhals are real or fictional, and then i google to check and i'm just SO STOKED every time i re-find out they're real.

But you would be dead, and your parents would live on. What does it matter how you would feel?

I totally understand that, and if its important you should make sure to document it! End-of-life instructions are so important! /psa But for me when you're dead you're dead and you don't care any more (I realize others believe differently). Funerals are for the people left behind, and from what I've heard losing a…

Not so sure that showing who someone "really was" at their funeral, and upsetting a family that just lost a son, is so important. Have your own friends-only memorial service and celebrate your friend's life as you see fit, but maybe don't make the death of a child any harder for the parents?

"If Hillary can run for president — she went through all that rigmarole." So a woman getting cheated on by her husband is equivalent to a man who is accused of being a long-term serial rapist. Interesting.

Ugh. This line though:

SERIOUSLY. who the fuck complains because his chain restaurant crab cakes are TASTY & DELICIOUS?