I am very fucking sorry you feel that way.

I shudder to think what he might do for a Klondike bar.

“Future nurse with a attitude and lazy”

Once, as a teenager, I worked for a couple hours as a favor to my friend’s dad, handing out free samples of this really terrible energy bar at Costco. People will eat literally anything if it’s free and in a small accordion paper cup. This bar tasted like dirt rubbed in poo with some raisins in for a hellish texture…

Well, I know it’s easy to be cynical but I’m rooting for these two crazy kids.

I like to point out the recent massacres of Muslims committed by Buddhists in Burma as a way to blow “lol religion of peace” morons’ minds.

Yeah, but a LOT of people think of Buddhism as an enlightened exception. This is a reminder that it really isn’t.

It’s almost like he’s just a person and not imbued with the spirit of a random god.

All major religions are fucked up patriarchies! Just a reminder.

On the other (calloused) hand...........Double Nope with a side dish of "WHY"?

It’s the face that can’t be explained...

Back in the 60s (and probably later too, but my personal knowledge is limited to that time), all the wealthy Jewish girls in NY got nose jobs as bat mitzvah gifts or sweet 16 gifts

Not even joking but on my 18th birthday gift was a nose job, which I turned down. As much as I’d like to ridicule Kylie Jenner, growing up in a vapid and superficial family haunted me for years until I got therapy.

We gays only see movement. When straights stand still they become invisible. Also we don't have object permanence.

“Dear Ask A Clean Person:

The soup of the day is usually Hitler miss, but I’m sure you’ll just Goebbels up today’s gestapo soup.

I know pointing out racist jokes means your a hater.

I *kind of* think this was just ignorant trash-talking, the filler garbage heard on any talk show, but if it helps to get rid of this show (that I don’t watch) then insert: Grumpy Cat “Good!”

my heart’s an actual garbage can and i 100% cried finalizing this piece this morning

I have an exclusive pic of the wedding: