I have sympathy for anyone trying to manage bad customers in their family. My paternal grandmother was one; my dad used 3 techniques.

How exactly does that pack o’ bitches think a server will intuit if you want more coffee or not without asking? I am baffled at how this question could be considered indicative of skill.

Oh man, the theatre biz. I have some fucking stories. The dude who’s dick was hanging out, getting berated over G. I. Joe, that chick who thought it would be a good idea to do a bunch of mushrooms before The Dark Knight, the dude who grabbed for the cop’s gun, “My wife, my wife” guy and his scizophrenic girlfriend,…

I’m Christian (ok, Roman Catholic but despite lots of other people’s take, actually so) and consider this movie to be religious porn. I have nothing against porn, per se. Not suitable for the young ones nor my idea of inspiring.

oh i loved doing that at disney. smile. smile some more. get real dead in the eyes. the louder they screamed, the lower and calmer my voice got. and then i’d stay silent until they ran out of breath and give them my patented “are you done yet?” look, then provide them with excellent service in a pleasant manner.

I worked at a theater while Passion of the Christ was out. It brought it some pretty interesting people. One customer straight up told me that I was going to hell while buying tickets. I also had a blind customer get tickets for the movie. Normally I wouldn’t think that was weird, but the entire movie is in Aramaic…

It is late, and I am tired, but I read this as “Get behind me, SANTA.” Which . . . also works, in this case.

Well the answer to every problem brought up here is: living wage for all workers. But since we can’t have nice things, the guy should be tipping based on the amount of time he spends there compared to the average guest and the amount of work the server does. One of the big issues with staying at an AYCE table for 2-3…

The mistake you’re making is thinking we didn’t WANT to get caught...

Damn, you need hazard pay for that! Some people are really into it. My last ex was all about naughtiness in public. Maybe the front row couple wanted to get caught. Maybe you were an unwitting pawn in their kinky fantasies!

I used to work as a hotel receptionist for an independently run crumbling to pieces hotel in Jersey (Channel Islands, not New), and holy hell, you have no idea. I’ve got anecdotes ranging from psycho Head Chefs to having to go on a dead-rat removal spree with a canoe oar every morning at 6am. The only thing worse than…

“I'm a good person!" has been shouted by so many bad people. When you hear that phrase or something similar, avoid the speaker at all costs.

His typical meal would include three orders of steak fries, three orders of coleslaw, two 40 oz beers, an entire bottle of ketchup, and seven half-pound burgers. This was in the late-nineties, and the check would total around $13 or so. And he would leave a generous $2 tip for your troubles.

I worked in a movie theater for 7 years. Most people were smart enough to be done with that crap well before the credits were rolling. One couple, not so much. Last show of the night, so it’s about 2:45am or so. I just want to clean the theater and go home. I walk into the theatre and right in the front row there is a…

I was assaulted by a movie goer who felt she shouldn’t have to wait in line behind the 300 people who arrived before her, so she trampled me to get into a theater that wasn’t prepped yet. Thankfully, she also obstinately plopped her ass into the seat of her choice and refused to move. That made it easy for us to get…

The stories I could tell you. (The book would probably be titled, “Things Seen from the Projection Room.”)

But the problem is: If you’re that much of an asshole, you’re not going to be self aware enough to know you’re the giant flaming mega-douche that you actually are. You think you’re awesome, and the world around you is filled with sniveling peons.

I have a mom like that. There’s no reasoning with the unreasonable and utterly delusional, because the person could turn on you forever for one ill-timed, well-intentioned intervention. Choices have to be made. I feel for Cliff and admire his resourcefulness. It feels shitty to be underhanded, but that’s a far better…

Part of me really wanted Momager to actually smack Psycho Santa with the pizza pan.

If I were such a huge asshole that my family had to tell people that I had brain damage to explain my behavior, I’d MAYBE think about dialing it back just a bit.