They are handsome but boring on such a pervasive level that sex with either of them would be like when you swim in a really beautiful resort pool but you’re constipated or something so it’s just like eh.

They raped someone so hard they lacerated internal organs, and he literally now requires assistance to use the bathroom. That shows a shocking lack of boundaries. Sex offender status is most definitely appropriate for that type of behavior.

Someone get me to a hospital; my ovaries have burst.

The day you have your first child is the day you can start calling your in-laws Grandma and Grandpa most of the time and end that awkward Mom and Dad bullshit. Though 22 years in I still mostly address them as Hey.

I walked into my hairdresser’s last night and described what I wanted as “like the one Kate Middleton just got, but with more personality and less disaster bangs.” And he got it exactly right.

I’m pretty impressed by their ability to communicate normalcy instead of overwhelming status. Some of my barely middle class Facebook friends could take a cue or two about family Christmas cards and give up that false glamour.

My first question was, HE HAS FANS?? WTF.

Instant pharma’s gonna get you.

Christmas came early! Remember friends, every time a Martin Shkreli is arrested an angel gets its wings...an AIDS patient gets their meds...overpriced musical memorabilia isn’t sold to a douchebag.

“On Nov. 5, 2013, Dooley said during a sentencing, where the victim was a 14-year-old girl, “This was not someone who was, and I hate to use the phrase, ‘asking for it.’ There are girls out there that seem to be temptresses. And this does not seem to be anything like that.”

My eye twtich is back.

the “please call me” email is grounds for that person to lose ALL communication privileges

No. There should NOT be a sequel to “First Wives Club.” It's perfect the way it is.

Two things: (1) I bought the ticket on the secondary market, so none of that goes to Snyder (although the $150 I will spend on three beers during the game will) and (2) I don’t work particularly hard for my money. Still, point well-taken! #HTTR

Crowds and lines. These are two of my least favorite things.

NOPE COULD NOT HANDLE. My family flies like that and it drives me up a wall. That’s probably why I arrive 3+ hours early if I can help it and then take my sweet time at the airport. 5 terminals? I’ll walk ‘em all. Six bucks for a Gatorade? Don’t mind if I do.

It doesn’t bother me because I still get elated when the pilot makes the announcement. I know I’m being had but I still feel the joy of being ahead of time.

I didn’t think this was a thing, but it screwed me up when I was flying to see someone in California and they had to drive 2 hours to the airport. I gave them the time on my boarding pass and then the pilot said we would land an hour earlier.

Totally. As a frequent flier, 9/10 flights have been “early” and only 1 arrived ten minutes after the scheduled time because we were at the gate for an hour!

The spokesman from Virgin America is full of shit. The airlines have totally been padding their flight times and there’s no denying it. I have a family member who flies for one of the major airlines, and he openly admits to this. The pilots are evaluated for their on-time performance, but he rarely worries about it…

That is such a major (and transparent) scam.