Also the most coherent tweet Yoko has ever published.

High five, God. For the first time in a long time, I agree with and understand every one of these tweets. Except for Derulo. My answer there is no.

We used to do something really similar with our daughter when she was a tiny baby, it was super effective. I thought we just had a good baby - it turns out we just lucked into good technique.

I matched with RiFF RAFF on Tinder this weekend. When I messaged him, he unmatched me. I am not sad about this.

this is what nightmares are made of, truly.

Brooks Brothers has a whole line for its outlets called 346. It’s still much better made than most stuff out there too.

Um, if y’all lawyers wanna bring down a handbag company rhyming with Roach Feather Woods that does the same exact thing, I’m sure a number of disgruntled employees would be happy to come forward (for a not-so-discounted price.) Yoohoo! Hi there!

Fetty Wap is sooooo cute. I wish he could be my boo thing and make pies for me. I’m not sure I would use the word feminist but certainly, very strongly pro-female. Speaking of, my other favourite pro-female songs by men are Ludacris What’s your fantasy and Beanie Man Dude.

I live in Indianapolis and the entire city has been shocked by this. And everyone, from Amanda’s husband, her neighbors, the police, and members of the African American community, along with the Ten Point Coalition, a group of AA ministers working with the police to better relations in that community, have been…

“into my underpants nightclub”

Wow, it’s almost like abstinence education isn’t helping. Weird.

Wow it’s dusty in here

I have two contributions to make people happier today.

I am firmly in the no-engagment-photos camp. But that commenter is a dick . Your reply shows that you are a goddess and a saint.

i’m really, really hoping shit like this becomes popular. i’m pretty bah humbug already, but having christmas shit in stores before halloween is over is fucking ridiculous. i know there are bigger issues in the world but goddamn it the christmas crawl makes me grumpy. i feel like people are bigger assholes around the…

No.

MADONNA, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU. STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN.

Even if the story turns out not to be true, nothin’ but love for this phrase.

I really hope that couple from the coffee story are still together and fighting crime with funky disco beats, choreographed truck moves, and the unwavering ability to tell someone to shut the fuck up.