Men deserve to get time off too, when their wife is pregnant.

I posted this on Kitchenette but want to share here then I will step aside and others can share.

Genuine question which will undoubtedly come across as snotty but I promise it isn’t: have you ever been pregnant? Because I have, twice, and this is cereal and it is not a big deal.

Excepting the damage it does to the roof of your mouth. 50 grit sandpaper would do less harm (it wouldn’t be as delicious though).

I’m a man but I can guarantee that Cap’n Crunch and Fruity Pebbles is one of the best things you can put in your body, ever.

I love meetings! Just had one the other day with my boss on my performance, it was amazing. Who doesn’t want to discuss “how they are doing” and how it “aligns with priorities”.

I have never, ever, been to one office meeting that didn't have me wishing that I was wearing a suicide vest less than half way through the presentation.

Off Topic wedding question for you I-Thee-Dreaders:

You can keep it from curling with clothespins or magnets

Cousins doesn’t need to throw the teammates under the bus when Gruden is more than willing to do it himself.

Hot take - Gruden’s been out of Cincy for a year, and look at the new Andy Dalton now that he’s gone. In the mean time JG went right out and played RGIII the rest of the way into the ground. Jon’s little bro is a career killer. Any QB on a team where he’s working should demand a trade.

I don’t know why, but refs HATE calling safeties. After every near-safety, they huddle up for 3 minutes to come up with a way to put the ball one inch outside the goal line.

I went to a 2 million dollar wedding, bride’s dress alone cost over $100k. She threw up down the front of it at the reception.

If I’m paying 31 million buckaroos for my wedding, it must include Idris Elba interrupting the proceedings, declaring his everlasting love for me and marrying me on the spot while David Bowie sings “Life on Mars.” For starters.

I was gonna respond but then I was like...

When watching football, nothing disappoints me more than a fumble bouncing harmlessly out of bounds. The consequences for letting go of the rock should be STARK and DIRE.

Is it just me, or is every single man who has ever said “I don’t want drama” ALWAYS been the source of said drama? Like, dudes, if you don’t want “drama,” MAYBE DON’T ACT LIKE AN ASSHOLE.

“Word on the street is I’m not his favorite person.”

“DON’T YOU KNOW WHAT FISH DO IN WATER?!”

Just had to stop reading to say I laughed so unexpectedly hard and so suddenly at this that I choked on the chip I was eating and had to spit it out on my desk. I ain’t even made at this lady, this is too hilarious.

You know what? I love the balls on Cara Sloane to tell a BCO story about her own fuck-up. Just about every one of these is told from the waiter’s point of view, so I am always curious as to how customers would tell one of these (and what the exact hell was goin on in their cerebellums)...