His name is Jason Pierre Paw.

No snark. Proud owner of a rescue lab mix. This is Chief. I know it sounds trite, but he knows he was rescued and he is the best goddamn dog I have ever known. Pure heart. Please, if you are considering getting an animal, go to a shelter near you.

I know. It’s like that time Homer was fixated on Thomas Edison and was shoehorning in references to Edison everywhere. And so Marge said, “Maybe Edison had time to do all those things because he didn’t spend every waking moment boring people with stories about Thomas Edison.” And Homer said, “That’s where you’re…

Lie detector lady: Now we’re gonna run a few tests. This is a simple lie detector. I’ll ask you a few yes or no questions, and you just answer truthfully. Do you understand?

Bart: Krusty, this camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!

How dare you poke holes in Billy’s Premier League coverage.