So you’re saying that if I go to DC in a tight ass dress and am willing to blow some gross old conservatives I can bring about world peace, or at least like, stop them from trying to vilify abortions and women’s health?

I know this is meant to be humorous, but no. Not asking, but telling someone you're going to get married is CREEPY. Also telling people you are engaged, when the other person has not agreed to marriage, is crazy and creepy. Look, if your partner hasn't asked, or agreed to, or accepted a marriage proposal, they don't…

Dear Allen:

“prefixed menu”

Rihanna treats Drake like I treat my one neighbor who always has coke but constantly complains about his ex gf.

Today I learned: It isn’t very difficult to smuggle a child’s corpse from Texas to Mexico for discrete burial.

and people being baptized in a small portable swimming pool

This is your friendly neighborhood physician reminding you that if you’re gonna partake of recreational drugs (and I highly recommend you do!), try to stick with the ones that don’t give myocardial infarctions to people in their 20’s.

I know I’m missing the point of the post but GOD she is beautiful. How does she have skin that smooth and flawless? Her eyemakeup is always beautiful too.

We live in far more tolerant times and there are plenty of people out there who wouldn't see bisexuality as any barrier to a committed union.

When I was a little sophomore college theatre student, even though my focus was tech and design, it was a requirement to take an introductory directing class. Our prof was awesome and engaging, making the subject actually enjoyable. One day another student jokingly said, “Prof, will you have my babies?” Without…

Things less “natural” (i.e., less frequent in the wild) than homosexuality:

Pat Robertson was actually conceived through subway frottage. That’s why his name is Pat.

This guy is projecting so much we could point him at the wall and use him for power point presentations

And lo, on the eighth day, The Lord made the prostate. And it was good.

Based on many of my friends’ stories about coming of age in Texas evangelical communities, I thought anal sex was a prominent part of abstinence-only education!?!

One time I took Advil and became the Son of Sam.

That explains so much about my behavior these past few days. Thank god I’m only going OTC, otherwise the rash decisions I’ve been making (like wearing shoes I can’t walk in to the bar) could have been something like, idk, attempting to kill my loved ones.

A cough suppressant made him threaten to kill his wife. Just want to be sure we’re all clear on that.