The allergy story with the "dairy and nuts are not gluten" aspect... just... what?

Once, I went over to this guy's house and brought beer because he wasn't 21 yet and a DVD of 28 Days Later and we sat on couches across the room from each other and I just thought at him real hard to make a move. Eventually, he was like "Hey, um, are you trying to have sex with me?" and I was like "WHAT IF I AM."

Newly single, I ran into this hot guy I was acquainted with at a bar after my band played a show. I was like "Hey, I know you. What's your name again?"

He told me his name and my next question was "Wanna go make out in your car?"

I KNEW SOMEONE WOULD CATCH ME. I'm only glad it was you.

Oh, see, I disagree. She's not a doormat, but she often reacts to even offensive things by being silly and sassy. I think there's a certain kind of asshole who'd tolerate that response to his assholishness, especially from an attractive young woman, but who'd pick on quiet compliant people and get into screaming…

They're filming in Boston or so I've heard, which makes me wonder how much they really stood out from the local massholes screaming at each other. Must have been the lack of Dunkin ice coffees that pegged them as outsiders.

I have a theory about people who become wildly successful/famous on the level that Steve has achieved: their relationship with their past, pre-fame and success, is an either or proposition. Either they embrace it. Or they shed it like a snake sheds its skin, leaving it in the middle of the road, to dry up and blow…

This reminds me of the time I saw Lord of the Rings and then I started summoning giant walls of water to expel ring wraiths from Rivendell.

"I don't eat vegetables."

I was at a coffeeshop with a friend the other day, and she ordered a giant chocolate-covered rice krispie square. I asked if I could have a piece, and knowing I try (and fail) to avoid gluten the following conversation happens:

No, that last one is okay. Bowls are only for soup.

It's one thing to have a virgin grasshopper, daiquiri, etc.

FWIW, this was also the dinner where the rest of the table ordered a bunch of "lite menu" items and I ordered the house specialty: chicken-fried steak with queso on top. I eat pretty healthy most of the time so when I want something ridiculous, I'll do it, zero regrets.

i am so obsessed w pinkham's law it's not even funny

Guest: I don't eat meat.

Brace yourselves, everyone.

Welcome back to Behind Closed Ovens, the BIZARRO EDITION:

Never in my life have I been so curious about a celebrity wedding dress as I am about what Lady Gaga's will be like right now.

If your biggest concern is the lighting, you are not doing the sex right.

Um, she just looks not photoshopped. I wonder if the women who think/write these things hate themselves in their own natural state without makeup? Sans Photoshop? For real?