I still daydream about some lavender ice cream I had in Roussillon. Sweet baby jesus, was it the most perfect thing ever.

Only if you’re approaching people cold, or not taking no for an answer. But seriously, who does that? Only total assholes. So...

Well, the rest of the comment is fine, but for the patronizing “silly girl” dismissed. Fuck that noise.

You seem to have left off half a sentence, there. To most what, nope what? Most women don’t find being asked permission for things that involve their own bodies sexy? I think you may find that those women were not particularaly interested in you, which is different than not being interested in being asked.

Oh my god, yes! So many of these responses are all “I’m bad at reading signs, so I just do/don’t sex them up,” and I want to write ASK THE PERSON FOR GOD’S SAKE in indelible ink backward on their forehead, so they see it every time they look in the mirror. How is this difficult??

Here’s a simple sentence that might help you out with that: “I’m interested in you, do you want to (insert action here, be it kiss, make out, have sex, whatever)?”

Okay, but seriously...what’s up with the headlines lately? Dippy? Booboos? Are you so stretched for writers that you’re hiring kindergartners?

“Look at this picture of me that puts me in a more attractive shape. Totally not ‘shopped!” —Pretty much every female Kardashian ever.

Well, no, we all know photoshop is a thing, but when someone offers you pics and swears they’re not using, and they’re using like a mofo...it’s just irresistible.

Me, deadpan, to a similar customer: What about my response is tripping you up, sir?

Yeah, that should definitely rate a “what the fuck is up with you today?”

Not only is it vegetarian, it’s “organic.” *grin*

A mantra: This man is not the one who hurt me. This man has demonstrated that he cares for me. This man has stopped when I said stop. This man is not the man who hurt me.

My first time around in college, I flunked out with a 1.6 GPA. The second time around, I managed a 3.79. I went from Fs to As, and now I’m doing my PhD. They do like a good comeback, as bamboo trampoline said.

Smoking’s still a thing, so...

The slurping and ahhing would have made me homicidal. Seriously. I can take spilled drinks, even carelessly placed ones, but mouth noises make me stabby.

Some parents try to preserve their own dignity, not yet realizing that for at least 18 years of their life, they will be in a near-constant state of mild to extreme embarassment over something their offspring is doing.

“Close the door and lock it. Walk down the steps. Get in the car. ON THE DRIVER’S SIDE.” —Actual conversation I’ve had with my ex-husband.

YES. “This game, traditionally known as corn-holing...” *spit-take*