Without crushing the kids?

You know...I never thought I’d say this, because I am a bitter misanthrope who can barely be bothered to even pretend to care about anyone’s dumb wedding. But here it is.

That poor kid and his poor sisters, who were basically just told via major news outlets that they’re not good enough.

I thought I’d seen tantrums, but I didn’t *really* see a tantrum until my cousin and I took her nephew to the county fair. He was obsessed with Wizard of Oz at the time, and of course they just had to have an Oz-themed carnival game. Every time we tried to pull him away, he’d scream bloody murder and throw himself on…

Not sure if the people at OK! Magazine have ever met a “monster” child but you can’t call a tantrum epic unless the kid is on the ground pounding the filthy asphalt with their toes while screaming bloody murder or whirling around a grocery store pulling things off the shelves while shrieking like a banshee or running…

I think that is up to the person and the person alone. I’ve read of some people whose first experience was unfortunately with their rapist, and they prefer to say they are still virgins, that their rape had nothing to do with their ‘first time’.

I personally would only count consensual encounters.

I kept track until my mid 20's, more as an exercise in memory. I got above 20 by the time I was 25 so I’m probably near 30.

I peed (unsuccessfully) in a water bottle on the Gardiner, where even though I had the car cleaned after, it still smelled like pee in hot weather) so I feel like I’m not the one to judge.

I went to a gym class in the South and they were playing “hardcore” Christian rap and I found myself running to “Bathe in the blood of Christ!”

This is 2016. Can't we get some fucking designer shoes that are shaped like an actual persons foot?

Think about the Junior scenario. This is clearly a first step towards implanting uteri in men, so that pregnancy is no longer just a woman’s problem.

This whole thing blows my mind. John Goodman is amazing and while Wiig, Clooney, and Damon are awesome A-listers, I put John Goodman above them. It’s endearing, but also sad that he doesn’t think more of himself.

Don’t be! I’m 33 and I buy my underwear there too! Why not, I say.

“I don’t want to go bankrupt because I got cancer...”

I wish I could sit down with every person who believes it’s not the role of government to provide parental leave and tell them about how wonderful materinity leave in Quebec was for my wife and I — a full year, decent pay, weekly nurse visits for the first few months. I know the response would be something about…

One sinister not-quite-crazy conspiracy theory about the lack of education funding and the push for universal standards (along with testing etc) and the focus on “what skills do employers want” is all an effort to make our future society more gullible and malleable.

Seriously. It’s like people think taxes should be used for defense and nothing else. wtf. Some things are more efficiently handled by a centralized government. That’s why we have one. Let’s fucking use it.

I’m so sick of being called “greedy, entitled, looking for handouts” because I want what every other civilized country has.

When he got emotional about people struggling with fertility in the above clip I full on teared-up! I am 8 months pregnant though, so it doesn’t take much. My baby was a sort-of-surprise baby, and in the first few weeks of my pregnancy as I was reading all the books and they all had a chapter that covers problems with…