Next time I get invited I’m going to have waaaaaayyyy too much Lebanese food the night before and cleanse the earth with garlic farts.

Shhh just think of it as a modern day fairy tale. Someday my Rihanna DM will come.

Anecdotal Evidence: I’m 32. It’s been 2 years. No baby. The panic is real.

One of the many temp jobs I had back in the early 00’s was working as an admin at a publishing co. This company published Sonia’s children’s book and during the publishing process she’d come to the office and was absolutely lovely to everyone. I always loved when she came in because not only was she very nice but also…

And Birkenstocks are back in style. Point proved!

Marinate in all the poop water you can, and become immune!! This too is my plan for world domination.

I like to live dangerously, Marie. Don’t tell me what to do.

That makes me happy. The tooth fairy exclusively brings $2 bills and Sacagawea dollars to my children (in a land where they have friends who get $100 per tooth) so I’m glad to hear that others are also delighted by uncommon currency.

Oh god. I actually perfected a Stupid Human Trick where I can hunch my shoulders so my collarbones form these sort of bowl depressions, fill them with seeds and taught my parrots to eat out of them. These bitches on Instagram can’t top THAT. LOL

When I was a young kid (not that young actually, but we’re going with young) I used to get all my money changed to quarters and carry it around in a money pouch and pretend I was rich and also in the middle ages or something.
This is not relevant to your story but I thought I would share.

creating colognes based on the smell of a beloved pet

Not going to lie, this is kind of inspiring me to lose weight and learn burlesque so I can be 1/16th as awesome someday.

Details, including what, if anything (,) prompted the attacks...[.]

i feel the same way. i took an inordinate amount of petty pride at having better seats than her at a nick cave concert once.

I will say it would be super nice if people could not get arrested for letting their children play in their own front yards. Because that happened recently. That’s why people stress so much.

Or we should have mandated paternity leave like the Scandinavian countries, so fathers are shouldering some of the career hit for reproducing.

I’ve been refused tattoos in the past, and I’m a man. I also had many, many visible tattoos at the time. It all comes down to the artist’s discretion, and if they don;t feel comfortable doing a tattoo then they’re simply not going to do it. Don’t take it personally. You move on to the next parlor until you find the…

I have no idea if it was a mix up or if the bakery was just like “fuck it, they won’t notice”. I was the plus one of a friend and only witnessed the subsequent gluten induced pant shitting. Now I'm curious to find out what happened. The bride was pissed and there was much talk about the suits being rentals that the…

So it all started with a little daily pill that was supposed to control my bloodbath periods... I was taking a pill that ensured that I only had very light periods every three months because my periods where straight up awful. I was on said BC for about 5 years until something went wrong, unbeknownst to me. Around the…

I read that she’d suspected she might be pregnant and took at test at the doctor’s office a month or so before giving birth, and that test came out negative. It seems reasonable to me that if a person isn’t showing very obviously, and her own doctor says they’re not pregnant, she would believe that other symptoms were…