I think I could do a series on dressing my comically large boobs. One would just be a slideshow of all the shirts I have missing the third button.

I had a personal trainer I saw once every two months for a few sessions, until she left and became an office person because she couldn't function on 4h of sleep any more. I couldn't afford to see her every time I went to the gym — no way in hell — but having a personalised plan and knowing that someone was expecting…

If you practice at it, you could. My gym has the box-cushion things and there are three levels from 6 inches to 2 feet and eventually you'd get from the lowest to the highest (which is what happened to me, and I was firmly in the 'this is impossible' camp).

Just like my Grandma used to wear (and that is not a joke actually). ;)

Yeah possums are different. That's an opossum.

That's not what Pearl says.

I am sorry that you think black people are the only ones who get touched without permission. (Yes! here comes a white person talking about getting touched!) as a kid, i had really sproingy hair. a guy on the train boinged one of my curls. holy shit. don't touch me. also, ask ANY pregnant woman, black, white, asian,…

Yeah, so?

UGHHH SWAMP CROTCH AND CHUB RUBBBB

Sometimes I just use deodorant, which I feel like is terrible and not good for my skin. But I picked up some Bag Balm (ugh the name, I know) which is pretty good! The chub rub is REAL when I try to do anything but sit quietly... but who has time for that shit?!

Oh yeah, unicorns and sparkly shoes. Why are sparkly shoes not an everyday fashion item for adults? This I do not understand.

It was a joke that only one person seems to have gotten. Everybody knows babies are born with sight and then they lose their ability to see spirits when they learn to talk.

That type of bottomless brunch is served in my kitchen every Sunday morning! It is currently only attended by my cats and me, but we are hoping it'll catch on.

I wanna snatch them off their little baby heads. Babies in bowler hats. Now that is a trend I wanna see.

My mom would dress me and my sister alike, even though we were 4 years apart. Then if one of us got lost, she'd say "have you seen my daughter? She looks just like this one but bigger/smaller".

A+++ trolling would read again

I would watch the shit out of Donald Glover playing Christian Grey ironically (because that's the only way anyone should play it).

Ooh, please quit, Jamie Dornan. And then I hope they recast with someone absurd, like Donald Glover or Bryan Cranston. It's pretty much the only way I'd agree to watch any of these movies.

The Jamie Dornan story is hilarious. His wife has an issue with SM for the movie but she is totally ok with the choking and murdering on The Fall right?

I think it's actually high contrast designs? But doesn't matter, I'm still loling at "Babies: Possibly Similar to Cats."