Is Fonzworth Bentley available for hire?

I googled ‘baguette bag’ but I think I ended up in the weird part of the internet again.

I’m still trying to figure out if I should actually know who Remy Ma is.

• Here’s a video of Melania reading Oh, The Places You’ll Go to kids at a New York hospital.

I fucking refuse to maintain my sanity. Do you hear me, Jezebel? I demand the leeway to go bugfuck blithering bananabonkers, start speak-shrieking in tongues, rip my clothes off, and barricade myself in the street with a fortress of boxes of old ABBA albums.

Barefoot, curled up in the oval office.

They have a shared interest in pleasing their husband?

Bet he’s taking the D pretty hard!!!

Here’s a trend that needs to pick back up and continue forever:

I am wedding planning for 2017 and I am also sick of these trends. I only get my period every 2 months so it’s been impossible for me to collect enough menstrual blood to make my signature cocktail. 

Seth is improvement from Penn.

I can’t be the only one who thinks Drake and J Lo are kind of perfect for each other, right??

What am I missing?

No, it’s not reasonable to ask women to wear tiny dresses and dance around a rapist who specifically targets women who look like they do.

And on January 20th Trump will be kicking a black family out of their home. Some things never change.

Yeah, but you don’t understand, she has A VAGINA.

B-but emails! And Benghazi, wherever the fuck that is! And pedophile pizza! And I just can’t put my finger on why I don’t like her!

Huh. Wasn’t the whole “Wall Street Insiders” thing the reason folks didn’t want Hillary?

December 19, 2016