Let's start small, like with the fact that he's clearly stealing her foundation.

Fuck yeah bro. Meet me at Lincoln and Belden.

Republicans.

Or why chocolate would be seen as feminine at all? I'm a man, and I would lay waste one thousand cities to please the Chocolate Divines.

I discovered the Gimlet. It is my spirit animal. Gin and lime juice. Fuck. Yes.

The dog had been skunked according to the story I read, which makes that whole moment even better in my mind.

She ALSO has not aged a day since Bring It On.

I have the weirdest boner right now.

Yeah - you really can't beat this guy.

Yes, and the punishment for a little blasphemy is a gentle braising for all eternity...

You better take that back.

Ok, so this is the first post of yours I've seen and I just have to say I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE BACK WE MISSED YOU SO MUCH PLEASE NEVER LEAVE AGAIN.

Why did I wear mascara today? I'm a teary mess right now.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The ideal mate is Slender Woman

Ugh let's hope so. One of my biggest grammatical pet peeves is people using "literally" incorrectly. See also: epic. No, bro, your weekend in Vegas was not literally epic. Homer's Odyssey—now that was literally an epic.

Reply hazy, try again.

I WIN!

Sartorial elegance at its finest, I am sure you will agree. All you need to emulate this look is wear three non coordinating tops, sans trousers. To really finish off the ensemble, simply wear stripy socks. Et voila sweety daaahhhhling!