If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance...

Oh my god. Oh my god.

Do you remember when patriotism used to be the last refuge of a scoundrel?

While I support no-showing in numbers that embarrass a president whose brain is likely rotting from syphalis, I also would’ve been excited if the Eagles signed Kaepernick to one of the one-day faux-contracts that players sign to retire with a team just to have Kaep join the ceremony.

It would have been absolutely amazing if the Eagles attended the ceremony and took a knee in unison in front of the cameras. Once-in-a-lifetime photo/video opportunity lost to make Agent Orange have a public aneurysm, but good on the Eagles for not normalizing this imbecile.

FOOTBALL HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH PATRIOTISM. NOTHING. IT NEVER HAS AND NEVER WILL.

SOMEONE! PLEASE! HELP!

“I know some people might have wanted to see the Eagles today, but I have a very very tremendous gift for all of you who came out of love for this country. I’m giving you the real deal. Everyone, look under your chairs- that’s right Secretary Zinke provided week-old eagle hatchlings from the Smithsonian zoo for you to…

Is this really gonna be my “Welcome to the Resistance” moment because when I read that press release from the White House my blood boiled with rage. So much so that I had to drop everything and write a rant.

Well son of a bitch, I wonder what the issue is?

Perfect Trump logic: The fans deserve better than an appearance by only part of the Eagles team. So we will give them zero members of the team instead.

*love* how five draft deferments fuckhead isthe decider of what is patriotic.

This is probably obvious and over-suggested, but I would have preferred if the Eagles accepted the invitation, and then quietly planned to take a knee the moment the festivities started.

What an insufferable putz. Except we’re forced to suffer through this shit. Again. And again. And again.

I’m always amazed at how Trump manages to sound so aggressively juvenile. It’s such an unnecessary and unnaturally hostile way of communicating that you literally never see in a professional setting.

My husband and I decided that Barack Obama and Lin Manuel Miranda would literally be the only famous men we would be shocked to hear accusations regarding.

My mother told me to never judge a book by its cover, but of course this dude sexually assaults women.

I’m shocked.