You're assuming he doesn't already have a chest freezer full of ex-dates.

I don't know, around the "You're an Account Manger" line I probably would have hung on just to see what was coming next. You can't even be mad at this shit, it's too fun watching him crash and burn.

He could buy so many of them with $32K!

And behold! The Most Special of All the Snowflakes has revealed himself to us!

If only they knew he made 32k since June. JUNE!

Well, that changes everything!

I bet his fedora collection is truly a sight to behold.

This guy is going to kill someone someday. Heaven help anyone in front of him in line who gets the last cookie or movie ticket.

At least she died doing what she loved.

1990? No pass. 1979? Hell yeah.

Lane, baby, what are you even doing? Are you having a big sleepover party and you needed lots of makeup so you and your girlfraaans could catch up?

I love that belligerent freckle-faced David Bowie look.

That's the greatest mugshot I've seen in a long time. But there's not enough eye shadow in the world to mask her dead eyes...they're giving me chills!

Wait, you don't just do it every day? I thought we were supposed to do it every day.

Gross explanation by medical student:

"Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."

"At this time, Jennifer Lawrence's camera could not be reached for comment."

I just hope women out there learn a very simple lesson from all of this. If you don't want the naked photos that you took in the privacy of your own home posted on the internet then, well, the internet can't ever have existed in the first place. So someone is going to have to take it upon themselves to travel back in…

I know i'm beating the dead horse when I say that turning a famous woman's body into a commodity is vile and horrible, but I am still never-endingly stunned that when there's an opportunity to help or view her in a human light they can't and resort to seeing the entire matter as a property/copyright dispute.