He probably got it from riding on the Monorail.

2-14, most likely. 

Thereby ceding the only decent pizza and bagels in America to the rats?

Just move out and let the rats have their city, it’s obvious they’ve earned it.

Let’s all take a moment to be thankful that drama queen ref isn’t a cop.

Technically it’s not incorrect. They look exactly like the Browns we’re all used to, and they are “back” to being that. So. Good job, SI!

Having never been touched like that by a woman before, it was all he could do to prematurely eject her.

All together, Cheers fans:

The ump eating shit really completes the highlight. 

He was a great pitcher and a horrible human being. The latter prevents him from being inducted into the Hall and I’m just fine with that.

It's a good thing he doesn’t have to rely on his hands for work.

This is a weird Bill Simmons/Jon Gruden mashup, right?

When they agreed to participate in the Free File Alliance in exchange for the government not creating its own good, free filing system so that Intuit and other tax preparation companies could continue to profit off what should be an extremely simple process.

Given the idiosyncratic reasons this article gives for taking the red-eye, I think it should have been titled “Why I Always Prefer to Fly the Red-Eye”.

It wasn’t about the balls, but for not giving the league his cell phone.  Something about interfering with their investigation, as they never proved that inflation thing or his direct involvement in it.

Catholics and Muslims and atheists have raped children literally billions of times without punishment, so there’s no reason to make this story about Judaism.

and before that, also cleveland

Cleveland as recently as a year ago 

The Orioles are the Chipotle of awful teams. The Mets are the French Laundry of awful teams. Exquisite and to be savored.

Rule change! Only one team gets to enjoy the timeout. The other team has to do jumping jacks until the timeout ends. Real ones too. It’s a technical if someone just moves their arms up and down and doesn’t actually jump.