"Work on improving your exorcise routine in bed."

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for debt forgiveness, I can tell you I don't have a drop down menu for that. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you set…

The only thing that would make this better is if the toilet itself was on fire. (Please do not set the toilet on fire.)

NOT MEAN ENOUGH!

I wish there was someone writing for Jezebel who actually had a basic understanding of photography and the process of retouching because no, they just balanced the whites.

Rich people have a lot of fucking time on their hands.

Doubt it. Nothing makes me come harder than transferring $22 dollars from savings to pay a late Discover card bill in a straight-up panic while sitting on my boyfriend's face.

Are you sure this wasn't at the pubic wig store, Amerkin Apparel? rimshot

I don't think so. Maybe I'm defensive given my strong pro-bush worldview (not to be confused with a pro-Bush worldview), but I think this is meant to be ironic and will only serve to increase disdain for the the bush among today's youth.

I think that's Christian Bale's hair piece from "American Hustle".

Don't feed the trolls here, folks. Especially ones who are implying that a person who is guilty of drunk driving deserves to be murdered.

I'll see your 'tall person', and raise you 'the asshole who is recording the show with his fucking iPhone'

Worst of all:

Love her - HATE this tagline. "Girls" rule the world?