Whenever I've read anything she's written (my mother gets the Daily Mail for the crosswords, apparently) it sounds deranged. The paper has other columnists who are almost as infuriating, but the bitterness spewed by Jones is bar far the worst.

Exactly. I suddenly like Rihanna a lot more.

She's horrendous. I can't believe the bitterness, even in the dripping-with-bitterness Daily Mail.

Oh, that's frustrating.

GLO! RI! US!

I love seeing people on the tube in evening wear. I would definitely wear that dress to work/the shops/anywhere (if I had that body, too).

Mine totally is. Almost all my colleagues with kids get to work from home some days each week, and a blind eye is turned when they turn up 30/45/60 minutes late, leave early and what not. I think it's brilliant that the company understands and sympathises with parents; I think it's unfair that as a child-free person I…

Perhaps she should really have it in for the umpire who could in theory have called hindrance!

I can't care about P Middy, but God, the noise is off-putting when some people play tennis. I love to watch it, but I have to turn the sound down for some of them, which is fine on telly but in person? Perhaps I'm not drinking enough Pimm's.

I have a good friend whose name is Jappy and therefore I can't even get past this headline.

Yes, yes, yes. I totally see that you might, in order to survive being a parent of tiny screaming creatures, need to develop a tolerance for ear-splitting shrieking that goes on and on and on and on and on, but seriously, people, the rest of us haven't built up to that level yet. To me, someone screaming at the top of…

Ha! Glad my squeamishness will keep me healthy.

Ahaha, I've never, ever gone near any meat puddings! Definitely not for me. I let my (American) husband try black pudding without telling him what it was, because I didn't want to let my squeamishness put him off in case he turned out to really like it, but he took one bite and went, "Ugh. What is this disgusting…

I don't think I will ever be able to try it — I'm usually not a wimp but the whole concept makes me oddly horrified. I had a million years in the US to get used to it, and never did. (I think the breakfastiness of it makes it even worse: I'm totally fine with the whole cake-for-breakfast thing in the US, but can't get…

YESSSS. I always want to reply, "I'm not being funny but fuck off?" (For some reason the thing about which the utter cretin is "not being funny" is always, always made to sound like a question. Fucking hell? It's so annoying? Argh?

I love a good novelty account, but my friend's two-month-old baby's Twitter account is, sadly, not good or novel. It makes me oddly uncomfortable, and I can't stand to think about it long enough to figure out why that is.

As someone who tweeted her hatred for other people's Marimba ringtone, I approve Harry Styles' message.

My friend's newborn kid has a Twitter, an Instagram, a Facebook, a Facebook *group*… I really liked my friend until his wife got pregnant, then I started to see a whole new side of him.

Yep, the look of them really puts me off almost as much as the name.

REALLY LONG-WINDED; SORRY: