Swimming pools enforce bathing-suit-only rules all the time; street clothes are unhygenic in that the fabrics “hold” chemicals and bacteria in them that can screw up the pool chemistry, including dyes. They also can clog up the filters, make swimming more dangerous, and make lifeguards’ jobs more difficult (clothing…

Your name is a LIE. You LIE.

I find the “fat ugly bitch” one legitimately funny. It’s in the same line as, “Just to show my ex how TOTALLY over them I am, I’m going to go slash their tires.”

Screw you; I love Laurie Anderson.

I genuinely assumed that the swimmers don’t have enough body fat to menstruate. I know it happens to the female gymnasts.

She got to listen to him, over the phone, cock the gun before blowing his brains out. That’s a detail of his suicide that . . . stayed with me.

In Denver, you can visit the Molly Brown House - a house she used to live in/own, restored to its original shape and furnished appropriate to period. The tour guides are generally women dressed in period-appropriate clothing, as well, and they look fabulous.

The visible signs of a colossal waste of money on Jezebel’s part?

And now I can’t stop giggling over the fact that this terrible, destructive man is apparently channeling Home Alone.

Ssssssort of.

Murder is quicker than divorce.

I am a practicing member of the Satanic Temple, and there is no precept about worshipping Satan.

As long as we keep most of the Catholics out of the positions of real power, I’m comforted.

But his eyes are all pupil.

Your mother is a piece of shit.

At my last apartment, I got home late one night in the dark and snow to see a cat trotting up to me. I put my hand down to pet it while three simultaneous things happened:

I had a similar experience with a nicer professor. He’d forgotten to give me a grade in the class and asked me for a second copy of my final paper eight months later, because I couldn’t take the Masters exam with an incomplete on my record.

“No, you can’t say ‘colored.’ Yes, you can say, ‘people of color.’ Yes, this is confusing. I will explain why to you after you demonstrate to me that you actually finished reading The Autobiography of an Ex-Colored Man like you were supposed to.

Why would you want more people of color in jobs where they’re overworked, underpaid, and disrespected?

Remember when Barbara Bush pursed her lips and pretended she wasn’t a nasty piece of work as she simpered that she was too proper to say what she thought of Geraldine Ferrarro, but“it rhymes with witch”?