His ongoing fantasies about his daughters having big, strong men jump into their foxholes makes me think that Cruz slips into his kids’ beds every night and slides his fingers right up to the spot where he says, “Never forget this belongs to daddy.”

COMMUNIST.

Out of curiosity, have you seen Simply Plimpton? It’s a totally bonkers Youtube series that I believe only exists because the main actor bears a passing resemblance to Martha Plimpton, and I kind of love it, even though its fictional version of her is a self-absorbed nutjob.

This whole article reads like there was some serious brain damage involved in its production.

Fuck, if Peter Ustinov could be Poirot, Branaugh’s at least vaugely in range.

Well . . . I mean, the judge also gave him a lifetime on the sex offender registry, which I honestly think is going to affect his life a little more significantly than this.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Bristol would be one dead junkie prostitute without the support of her family. They’ll absolutely have to support her through this, just like they’ve carried her through the rest of her life.

If they didn’t skip it for the shit that went down China and Greece, Brazil is just another “meh.”

It’s actually sort of interesting; the Australian authorities caught a completely different molestor who ran a website (with pictures and so forth), then took over the running of it to catch its users.

That is a vicious and insane statement.

I demanded a skunk costume at age ten, which my mother patiently hand-sewed.

Jesus Christ, we’ve been telling you to knock that shit off for the last twenty years.

My first car was my mother’s old Subaru station wagon that got smashed real good when it was parked, by someone who just wasn’t watching the road and basically t-boned it. I was seventeen, and my folks fixed it up and sold it off to someone because they didn’t want me driving around in a car that had been in a major…

I also have a funny cocaine story, though it involves a Luthean minister and not me.

As someone who had a chow chow wander into my family’s back yard and sink its teeth in my seven-year-old face when I stood up and sternly said, “NO!,” fuck chows.

This is a little sad for me. No, I’m not a big fan of dead elephants.

I remember when she had her throat surgery and announced she couldn’t perform any more because of it. I cried. (I was also an impressionable teenager who found Victor/Victoria very life-affirming.)

I’ve heard Obama was born in Kenya. Must be true, right?

It clearly wasn’t done “immediately.” “Immediately” would indicate that the instant she set up her site, it was shut down. It was taken down “eventually.”