Well, I just had an eighteen-year-old explain to me that black people deserve it, because black people are just more likely to be assholes. That black girl who got smashed into the wall by her school resource officer? She absolutely deserved it.

I have pissed enough beer from Scots pubs to make me at least as good as the guy I spotted dropping a deuce behind the dumpster at The Globe in Edinburgh. The topless drunken slapfight I engaged in over a stolen bottle of vodka during my tenure in Brighton is a footnote to my dedication to being banned.

I’m not sure why (maybe because she’s been in the news recently), but I read that as being about Obama and Michelle Bachmann running science fairs, and I spent like two minutes convinced you were a goddamned lunatic.

How sore is your dick from fucking the outrage machine raw?

Oh please oh please oh please add musical numbers about Gypsy Rose Lee living with Carson McCullers and WH Auden, as well as Rose shooting her lesbian lover and defenestrating a guy.

I burned half the skin off my inner arms doing spotlight for that number. Ah, the joys of shitty community theater equipment.

I love me some Bernadette Peters (and we share a birthday! Though not the same year!), but I gotta say I really liked Midler and her unexpected chemistry with Peter Riegert.

It should be noted that Robert Dear didn’t just kill three people; nine more were wounded. Their names and identities are protected because to release them would result in threats against their lives, health, and livelihoods by anti-abortion crusaders. (As it is, at least one of said crusaders called Tarkovsky a “baby…

I am totally biased in that I have only read books in this genre which were written by friends of mine, but I think they’re decent.

I have to say that I am genuinely impressed with the level of creativity involved in the game design overall. That’s some second-level shit. Never discount the imaginative powers of teenagers when alcohol is involved, I guess.

See, that’s the thing: you know exactly what the potential long-term effects are of the prescribed pills.

The only thing I remember about Birute Galdikas from my undergrad archaeology class is that she discovered that something like 80% of adult orangutans have broken bones that have healed, because that’s what happens when something that weighs 300 pounds falls out of a tree. I still find the mental image of frequently…

“It’s the dangerous new game the kids are doing these days. They take turns playing choking themselves and hitting each other with their daddy’s copy of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue until someone throws up. That’s called getting a slam dunk.”

That actually makes me happy.

I always thought of golf as sport’s most prominent symbol of anti-Semitism.

This makes a lot more sense in the UK, where “video nasties” were often outright banned, and these old VHS tapes were essentially contraband, so they’re particularly hard to find.

I eat chicken wings with a fork because that way I can keep one hand clean.

Save me from all the Christmas trees, Kiefer!

This is nonsensical to me. It was a single-occupancy restroom. There should have been no reason for another person to be in there, period, regardless of sex or gender. Why would it being a women’s single-occupancy restroom have made the slightest bit of difference to a creeper walking in there?

Um, wow, no, that never happened.