The headline could’ve read “HALLE BERRY LOOKING BUSTED AS HELL, CAUGHT WITH TEAR TRACKS AND BLASTING ADELE,” and she’d still look better than 97% of the population.

Nah. Her being able to dominate on such a commercial level is so impressive and quite clearly what she wants to do. If Shonda Rhimes wanted a slate of shows at HBO, so would have it at this point.

Ms. Greer has been a valued voice, but this ongoing transphobia from fellow second-wavers is disappointing and discouraging. Move into the twenty-first century, please.

Sunday morning fuzz brain: Kaley hashtagged the puppy IG #savethemall. I spent 5 minutes trying to figure out why the mall needs saving.

I just adopted this kitten a couple hours ago and she is asleep on my shoulder right now, you guys.

We had a cat that was 28 lbs. wasn’t fat, just big-boned. He would walk on the couch and step on my balls every time.

The delicious, relatable tragedy of this song is in admitting to yourself that your desire to reconnect, to apologize and achieve some catharsis, are selfish impulses. She left town for a life that was bigger than him and bigger than their love. And yet she’s pining after their relationship. Not because of regret, but…

Eyeliner on fucking point, as per usual.

Yeah. Like, intellectually, I understand that plea deals are supposedly good because they guarantee a conviction, but this one is just insulting to the victims. Any sex crime involving the words “foreign object” should get much more than 12 freaking months.

Petting another human.

I was going to make a joke about the “Marlborough Man” but it sounds like the criminal justice system already took the title for “Biggest Joke Possible.”

My cat looks more like Batman than that dog.

Lol, Mark. Clearly you’re not a writer. Her note is that 2:29 am burst of creativity that causes her to wake up, grab her IPad, write it all down because she “DOESN’T WANT TO FORGET” by the morning, and the hit “Send” and gently fall back asleep content that she has shared something magical with the world. We’ve all…

Incorrect. Her heart pumps battery acid around her racist child-kicking body.

My go to curse is: May every step you take feel like you’re walking on Legos.

She’s not a heartless, child-kicking racist. She’s a heartless, child-kicking, LITIGIOUS racist. Duh.

Vagina canoe sounds like a sex act.

Peanuts is not impressed with his “instrument.”

I read the worst thing on Facebook the other day and I just really need to share, “This quote my client said to me always makes me tear up: ‘your daughter grows up and becomes a wife but, your son is your son for life.’” I FOREVER NOW MUST TYPE IN ANGER CAPS BECAUSE WHAT IS THIS? WHY? HOW CAN YOU EV? I JUST!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I can find a BAE that will do this with me anywhere....#RelationshipGoals.