Honestly, if I had an injury that could reasonably lead to some amnesia, I’ll consider using it as an opportunity to at least act like I no longer know certain people, even if I still did.

Heh, the first question you often get in the US is “Do you have a ticket to leave?”. Border guards are not great ambassadors.

Hah, no. Maybe if I tried to like put ribbons around its neck and feed it doritos or something. All that process is just if you want to adopt a wild hedgehog that’s been displaced or injured.

Considering Britain’s current policies towards immigration, asylum-seekers, and the European Union, an animal that curls up into a ball and puts its spikes up sounds totally reasonable.

Yeah and they all start their reviews with pretentious, douchey backstories like...

Sometimes I let him out in courtyard of my building, but not after dark. After dark he gets brave and I’m afraid someone’s going to take him home or he’s going to get hit by a car.

That’s an “I can’t feel my face” face if I ever saw one.

I have a fly swatter and I won’t even make you beg.

Robin Thicke Sings: “Rapey the Snowman, Roofie the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Other Beloved Classics.”

As a fellow curlyhead...

Sure. She COULD have done that. But ballers gonna ball.

Note to self: shred, then BURN.

Today I flaunted my torn college sweatshirt when I walked to the car. I also flaunted my pants. I had pants. This is how it works, right? You are in public? It means you’re flaunting. You’re flaunting your lack of agoraphobia, to start with.

Dude, half-assedly do Weight Watchers and do Zumba... more to dance around like a fool and de-stress than anything else, if you want a human approach to it. Or don’t. Or just eat the fucking muffin. Yes, you ideally “only get married once”, but I counter-argue that you’re not going to be on your deathbed like, “I’m SO…

Dear Entire Town of Dearborn, Kansas,

Kinda look like rectum...

<Fingers crossed>

Cleaning sucks. But I like a clean home (though I don’t mind clutter). But cleaning isn’t a woman’s job. And when you’re in a relationship both need to do their part in the chores that need to be done.

This is a big part of it for me, too. The man in question agreed to get married (very unenthusiastically, mind you) and I started researching venues and told my parents and had to beg him to tell his as well. I waited, and waited for him to give me the family ring he had. It never happened. I fell apart, realizing…