Quietly accepting the unwritten rules of baseball is against the unwritten rules of baseball.

“I think Sabathia is trying to communicate that whatever words caught Garcia’s attention were intended for home plate umpire Phil Cuzzi”

I can’t wait for the next segment of “Tinactin a Fool”

whynotboth.gif

That headline, devoid of the context of his birthday, made me think he died. Glad to know he’s alive. RIP, however, to those defenders’ ankles.

My first live sports memory is the 1988 Holiday Bowl. I was seven. I didn’t know who Barry Sanders was, and, in fact, waited halfway through the second quarter before I asked my dad “who is the orange man?” He went for 5 TDs and 222 yards on 29 attempts. It’s like his fifth best game that year. He really was this cool…

The real question is, Who in the FUCK was holding his phone while he speech-to-text’d that statement?!

THEN HOW COME THEIR SEX IS COLD AND PERFUNCTORY?!!!

Really, you just need to look at his background to see where this stuff comes from:

Color announcer sounded about 5 seconds from just going over and punching Allen in the throat which, although unorthodox, I would heartily endorse.

I’ve turned this commentary into an mp3, and I’ll fall asleep listening to it every night for the rest of my life. 

Hydra turns all of me into stone IF YOU CATCH MY MEANING

Me: violate me with that scorpion tail, daddy

What color was her skin? Asking for a racist.

I dunno, I’m OK with the Knicks getting banned from the NBA for a year too.

If these walls could talk; you’d probably hate their accent.

Is drilling your opponent with the ball an unwritten rule? It just seems like solid strategy to me. 

Well, fuck.

Mike Pence on opioids sounds like the least fun party ever.