@highjump: Well I did guard all through high school but did not continue. I was in a low scoring world class winter guard—but we had a lot of fun!

@Wolfabeast: HA! "Lion noise prime" I love it! :)

@quitelikely: I want to see it too! I've missed like 3 chances so far. Maybe I will sneak in some McDonald's breakfast and see it alone in the morning. I can just picture myself gasping with a mouth full of hashbrown. HA!

@TheDaneAbides: Yeah, I think there is faking it instead of enjoying yourself—which is bad. But there are also good reasons to fake it!

@highjump: I never got that far in guard—but big ups to color guard jezebelles!

@TheDaneAbides: No baby talk, check! Thanks!

@malishka: I need this cross-stitched on a pillow like yesterday!

@poppy: I like it! Yeah, I don't want to get all up in her grill right away (unless I am painting it, that is.)

@malishka: I love to color. My standby trick with kids is my ability to draw cartoon characters—I'm not sure how peanut not having a TV will affect this. ;)

My big news of the week is I am going to meet my boyfriend's daughter! Her mom is dating someone so my bill passed a little sooner than expected. I am so excited and nervous. Any tips for wooing a 2 year old? So far I've got "put something on your head and pretend you don't know it's there." and "pretend her foot is a…

I'm home alone tonight because my boyfriend is watching his daughter because her mom is at a party. That's right y'all—my boyfriend is an awesome dad who loves spending time with his kid. I secretly love that man. :)

Yea! I love Hanky Panky! American made and the most comfortable thong ever made. It's the only kind I'll wear.

I've definitely had some bedtime farts around my boyfriend but generally try to keep it as politely limited as I would with anyone. However, he has some tummy issues and therefore some of the most earth-shattering farts ever. He always follows them up with a daintily polite little comment—I try not to laugh but the…

Back when I was a senior in high school the portrait people (poorly) airbrushed the mole on my forehead without my permission. It would have been one thing if it was a pimple but it is a mole that was and will always be there. It looks like I am wearing a tiny circular bandaid on it in the pic. :(

No long instrumental breaks!

In Miss Lovato's defense—snorting coke is pretty easy, even for a beginner.

"Do you ever get that... un-French feeling?"

Oh man, if I could buy these from the website all of my friends would be getting the sneaky "dick in a box" santa.

Re: The Paris Hilton Pic. Because we are the same age, I feel the need to note—homegirl is almost 30.

@cool_as_KimDeal: I think his middle name might be Eli.