If you don’t buy every single property you land on, you’re not playing Monopoly correctly anyway.

Pfft. A hat can’t travel around the board. Neither can a thimble or an iron - those are all tied for last place. A single shoe can’t move on its own, either, so that’s out. The only choices are dog, horse, car, train, or ship.

THE BATTLE SHIP! (I always thought it was a battleship, anyway.)

One of my favorite It’s Always Sunny episodes:

Exactly! (hint 2: stop putting money in the middle of the board so it can be won by landing on Free Parking. The original idea of the game was to bankrupt your opponents, and cycling money through bastardizing the rules only keeps money in circulation.)

You are criminally under ranking the battleship:

Boot got fucking hosed on this list. I love kicking the shit out of every token I pass with the boot. It’s also funny that most people don’t play Monopoly correctly then complain about how long it takes *because* they’re not playing correctly (hint: If you don’t buy a property you land on, it goes up for auction so…

You might not get elected anywhere if you don’t know you should run for the House of Representatives and not “Congress.” OK maybe Alaska still.

I watch professional sports to see athletes who are the greatest in the world at what they do perform feats I could only dream at accomplishing. But when pitchers come to the plate, I instead get to watch a dude ineffectively swat at pitch like a 6 year swinging at a tee ball. Pitchers hitting sucks to watch.

“I would have been way more negative about the prospect of the DH coming to the National League in my press conference last week [laughs]. I didn’t think I was that positive, so obviously I needed to be more negative.”

Exactly!

Ooh, that’s a good comparison.

Comedians are hardcore serious about joke stealing. Which I can understand, except that most jokes aren’t that ingenious. Usually it’s just a matter of following a train of thought. When you spend long enough purposefully coming up with joke material, you wind up with a certain way of thinking about things.

Just as a…

Exactly! I think some jokes are just setups for other jokes. The joke Schumer told (and others) is more like a set up joke for other jokes. It was an inroad. There’s another clip comparing Patrice O’Neal’s sex jokes to some of Schumer’s—it was presented as a clear case of theft, but if you really examined the two…

All of the examples I’ve seen are basically what comics refer to as “street jokes”. Shit that everyone knows but nobody can lay claim to originating.

Sorry, but I had to fix this: White people who compare mild to moderate situations/annoyances to MLK’s struggle are the fucking worst.

She killed my Brother in a knife fight in Saigon, back in ‘73 and on that day I swore revenge. Now, 43 years later, my opportunity is here and bitchy internet comments are my weapon of choice.

White people who compare mild to moderate situations/annoyances to MLK’s struggle are the fucking worst.

The only joke she seemed to have genuinely taken was Patrice’s bit about The Poltergeist/Gorilla, which she then basically inverted to show how rape-y/disgusting they were.