You don’t wanna refresh ‘em back to the home screen. They’ll just reboot.

You wanna let this shit play out until there’s a catastrophic hard drive failure that forces the nation to replace the whole thing. It’s happening, kinda, (Manafort arrest, Weinstein down, etc.) but the process sucks to sit through admittedly.

— a…

Translation from 3rd-hand Cheeto-speak: “Fuck, I might actually be in trouble and should look into blowing this Popsicle stand ASAP.”

So, yaaay.

*You’re
When you’re saying “you are”, that’s when you use the apostrophe. It’s replacing the letters that aren’t there, specifically the “a” in “are”.

Your implies ownership: You’re potentially molesting your sister as I say this.

*It’s 
Same deal here. If you’re saying “it is” or “it has”, the apostrophe replaces the…

Followup, since I can’t edit the original post, I guess?

But apparently those are baseball cleats and my coach in Jr. High was retarded. I’ve seriously, up until now, assumed that everyone wore those.

It’s both embarrassing and kind of neat. Also probably shows how much I pay attention to soccer. :(

“I’m not racist, I’m just really patriotic!”
 bunch of racist shit is instantly uncovered
“I have no idea how that got there! Total coincidence! I was hacked! BENGHAZI!”

Racists being too dumb to comprehend the internet is the gift that keeps on giving.

What’s worse is the media is running with it. “Kevin Spacey: GAY! (also something something hitting on a 14 year old)“

So this gets swept under the rug, and meanwhile he can join Anderson Cooper, Tim Cook, and Shep Smith in the “Yeah, no shit” category when it comes to his previously-private sexual orientation being…

...Okay I wore a cup for soccer as did my entire team, and our cleats looked like this, basically:

Public irritation is getting to the point where we’re like maybe six more extra-stupid tweets away from Cheeto getting his own personal Shame Nun™ who follows his motorcade around on a Vespa with a bell.

I know Trump isn’t one to think before Twitting (or, well, ever) but for someone with the insult abilities of a 4th grader with a fresh head wound, you’d figure the repeated owns he and his crew get by smarter, funnier people on Twitter would result in some kind of vague, gut-level pause before painting a big-ass…

Man, Santa really lets himself go in the off season, doesn’t he?

...Was he not wearing a cup? Because, uh. This is explicitly why you wear cups - because other people on the field with motherfuckin’ metal spikes on their shoes are going to be making kicking motions at about dick level with a high degree of frequency.

Okay, there’s “attention to detail” and then there’s “incorporates a live owl attention to detail”.

The cosplay wars are no joke, holy shit. How are you supposed to compete with that? Where the hell do you even get an owl?

(given the dedication cosplayers have, I half-expect the answer to be “she hand-raised it from…

“Why pay $500 for an established artist to give me a tattoo when my buddy Trey has access to tattoo equipment and will do it for $50 and a 30-rack of Coors?”

This is why.

Owner of a big-ass forearm tattoo here. Also hairy as shit. Hair grew back a-ok.

A tattoo needle isn’t even going in as deep as a papercut, it definitely shouldn’t be going in deep enough to fuck up your hair follicles! If you’re getting bald spots on your tattoos, that’s kinda not good!

That’s fair. I should get out of the habit of conflating “nerd-stereotype lack of empathy” with “autism”. The folks I’m referring to are most definitely the former. It’s that particular combination of staggering entitlement combined with zero effort to change plus a persecution complex that, unfortunately, gets easily…

Stuff like this is why the current generation is the most secular in history. It’s (far) easier than it’s ever been in the history of humanity to access information that both directly contradicts religion and makes a hell of a lot more sense than it — Noah’s Ark is a hard sell when you have access to Wikipedia. 

It’s…

I mean tell me he doesn’t look like Dobby the House Elf impregnated a Confederate Flag who was forced to bring it to term?

“The contents of three weeks worth of e-mails on a computer I barely know how to use will completely and totally exonerate me of decades worth of sexual assault charges.”

‘Kay, Harv.

Won’t happen until the vast majority of the dumber end of the Boomer demographic are in the ground (or The Purge becomes an actual thing young people are allowed to do to speed that shit up).

It’s the same reason they’ll stick with Cheetolord no matter what he says. There’s nothing Aging Dumb Boomers fear more in this…

Sexy Fidget Spinner. Wow.

Even the model in that picture is like “Really? We’re doing this?”