Jesus fuck. I’d seen this before but not with 2017 eyes. If this was a parody of a shitty 80's video in a movie intended to make fun of the 80's it’d be lambasted for being too on-the-nose and unbelievable.

Honestly, for a swarthy italian guy, I figured they’d do Mario a little more justice than that.

I’m not saying they gotta Donkey Kong his wiener necessarily, but...C’mon Ninty. At least let the shaft be longer than the sack and give the man some grass on the hill. Don’t do your boy dirty like that.

This was their correction after initially calling them “Coldhead” and “Radioplay” before segueing into a comment about how the last era of good music was the 50s and how the internet is a fad that will die out soon, like pogs or or the 19th amendment.

I reasonably convinced that at this point Trump could tweet out “Everyone who voted for me is a fucking moron” followed by “There is no god and religious people are retards” followed by “I’m going to ban owning guns and you can’t stop me” followed by “ha ha I’m fucking you all so hard and you still love me you…

His followup e-mail is basically an “Oh no I got caught, fuck all of you narcs” screed translated into Old White Dude speak. Banning “mp3s” as an electronic device, huh? And openly banning people “taking pictures” of the slides, which is, uh, not a thing that usually happens unless you put something dumb up there…

Oh, the lady who penned this also referred to Lord Cheeto as “he greatest leader this country has ever seen”.

Rabid Trumples supporter is also virulently, massively, almost comically racist. Gee guys, what are the fuckin’ odds?

Can’t wait until she gets unearthed and goes on to explain how she’s totally not actually…

I’ve been idly following this since the news broke, since I used to frequent NeoGAF back in the day. The folks taking sides are doing it to neck-snapping extremes, so it’s weird to come here (or check NG) and see what is essentially an unbroken hate train for this guy, then go to other, more, uh...Alt-leaning sites…

I somehow managed to leap four feet in the air from a sitting position while having a minor coronary thanks to that fucking scene. My god. Nothing else in the game got me that good, and to its credit it didn’t even try to do it twice. It just comes out of fucking nowhere and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I’m pretty sure Justin’s tattoo artist just trolled him.

Either Justin himself came up with that, or his artist did. If it was Justin, then kudos to the artist for giving him what he wanted and making a decent go at it. If it was the artist? Kudos for giving the ‘Beebs the most idiotic tattoo outside of a Crying Bald…

Hey, Valve actually made something.

Is there something about having the kind of shit brain this guy possesses that makes one’s head look like it just came out of a tin of ham? Are republican males allergic to having a neck that is distinct from the head? Is there a factory somewhere where they’re assembling these guys out of the same factory mold?

Pssh. Half-orc pride over here. Although admittedly I copped out and went Spirit Shaman instead of something really against type, like thief.

Oh, fuck her and her bullshit crocodile ethics. The only thing more breathtaking than her willingness to do anything (like fuck a dude that could’ve been a stunt double for Sloth from the Goonies) for money and power is how fast she about-faced as soon as his value dropped.

We see you, lady.

Those guys are a lot more intimidating to you (on many levels) than you are to them, if your comment history is any indication there, Pepe.

Hey Squeenix: Instance the land plots themselves, if not the homes in them. It’s virtual property, not actual real estate. You’ve already got multiple servers mirroring the same content, just do this for housing. Name the districts after cute FF references, then allow players to select a “home” district that will show…

...Are they trying to look tough in that picture? Polo shirt (tucked in!), wayfarers, khakis, a homemade Captain America shield and adorable little helmets? These dudes are about as threatening-looking as a LARPing convention held at a Christian college.

That and the whole overuse of ellipses thing, where they end every sentence... like this... 

I’ve never understood it.

Not all unfucked nerds in high school turn into bitter, hate-filled assholes! The ones who do, though, tend to be Banon supporters.

I have no idea if his face looked like a diarrhea omelette when he was in school or not, but he shares the mentality of having that chip on his shoulder that the world owes him something…

I remember when this game came out, a lot of people (myself included) were like “Okay, so, Team Fortress 2 with waifus. Got it.”

I look at it now, though, and holy hell is Blizzard schooling Valve on pretty much every level (except maaaaybe the money-making one? I honestly don’t know). While Tf2 descended into a…

Hollywood to Harvey:

Dear Harv,

None of us actually like you, and now that you’ve lost all the power you once had, we have zero interest in sticking up for you. Kindly go climb a wall of dicks.

— Everyone you’ve ever spoken to