So many inspired reviews, brimming with tasty, tasty vitriol-based schadenfreud…

The idea is, it keeps the food from absorbing a rusty taste by putting a barrier layer that is both baked on, and partly sunk in, like an oil-based enamel that's only oil & carbonized particles of fat. (Yum!) Soap breaks down grease, so it will strip away the seasoning, but if your pan is old enough and has enough…

The latter — one tart reviewer (Clarisse at Little White Lies in fact) said Mara looks like she's "off to Coachella for a weekend of cultural appropriation"!

Oh! They managed to spend all that and STILL make a beginner error in their tall ship models, putting them squarely into the Uncanny Valley:

Really? I didn't like the first one much at all until I watched the second, at which point I understood what they were trying to do in the first and how it fit with all del Toro's other movies, including Cronos…

Apparently, every principal actor was given a different description of what kind of movie they were in, and how they should be playing their characters!

Some reviewers say she's at least competent, others say she's just flat, still others say that her flatness is to be blamed on the bad writing of her underwritten role…

The best part? You can totally watch Pan's Labyrinth as an AU of Peter Pan, in which Captain Vidal is Hook as an officer of a piratical, might-makes-right regime and Mercedes' brother Pedro is his nemesis, the gritty-realist version of the leader of the Lost Boys in the forest who — eventually — DOES grow up and…

But you're supposed to be a LITTLE bit subtle. This is Scary Movie level overt.

But $100M for Hellboy 3 — aka The Sequel EVERYBODY's been asking for — is an insane, unwarrantable speculation…

The Happy Cocaine! Now it is time for the Sad Cocaine…

Don't they ding you for previously ripping off the movies you're supposed to be working on? There is literally a beat-by-beat redo of the whole "Not in it for your rebellion/Woohoo! I'm back to save the day!" sequence in A New Hope, in Fuchs' original Blacklist-praised script.

One reviewer said that the only thing more depressing than watching a bunch of child slaves chanting Nirvana a capella on screen, was watching it in a theatre full of ten-year-olds who had no idea what it was…

Also, I need to issue a correction: I've been mocking Pan and Jason Fuchs (and, preemptively, his upcoming Wonder Woman script) with the claim that his only prior authorial credential was writing Ice Age 3, a hot mess noted for its 37% RT score and excessively-typical animated-kiddie-franchise schlock, which featured…

"Who is Reacher Gilt?"
(I once saw a WHO IS JOHN GALT? bumper sticker, on a pickup outside a business incubator. The irony did not escape me.)

A Baz Lurhmann ripoff that they got bored/chickened out on, because they only do those two out-of-place numbers, the Nirvana one and the Ramones one (Blitzkrieg Bop, because, you know, it's the Blitz), and never again.

It's because he has a magic flute. Which unlocks the gate of the magic kingdom. Because THAT isn't a ripoff of Prometheus ripping off Dark Crystal at all…

The only reference to Blackbeard in the actual Peter Pan canon is, a single line that says that Hook was his bosun, just as Silver was Flint's — in other words, the captain for whom Hook was a trusted pirate henchman before winning his own ship.

Right — the fun of "closet cosplay" is that it's easy and affordable, but still, you know, a distinctive outfit. (And it's not like bow ties break the bank, even if you haven't already got one…)

No, it's just something that gets trotted out to justify why not. Like the conrunners who had no women on their "Women In Comics" panel because they asked Gail Simone and she was busy. Because there's only one black actor in all of the UK, you know…