"GAAARTHRIM!!!"

What made me laugh is that "Lowry 'Love' Aberffraw Ventris" is, yes, a name that a 14th century Welsh noblewoman married to a Norman could have borne. All of them are documented for the time and place, with Lowry in this case being an Olde Spelling of Laurie the feminine first name, not the Scots surname.

Simple answer: they're white and Christian, not brown and Muslim.

Perhaps he doesn't want his male lead to outshine HIM because his wife might cast a covetous glance astray!

But are they lawfully married? Perhaps some of their parents were secret bigamists! Or cousins! Perhaps they're secret bastards…

I guess I have to give Sutter a couple of points for finding an actual mediaeval Welsh name that just SOUNDS like it was made up by the author of an RPG novelization… That's the sort of thing that really says "fuck you, viewers!" when you then go and do whatever the hell else you feel like when it comes to historical…

Surely you mean GINORMOUSNESS!

I can't even give this show a shot, because the costumes and names are so very, very wrong — if he'd just admitted he was trying to do a GoT-meets-Braveheart and set it in Vaguely Europeany Fantasyland, I'd almost be willing to give it a chance, outfits from Rennfaire Central and all. But my college theatre department…

Everyone's going to hate it, and he can feel woefully unappreciated, and be happy again.

Also Beowulf tries to talk his problems out with the jerk at court, instead of punching him. That would never fly these days!

Somehow they feel it's unworthy to adapt straightforwardly! It's like when they have to do something bizarre with Hamlet, because it's so familiar, so everyone's wearing loincloths made out of meat and miming it instead of speaking their lines…

That's okay, the movie had nothing to do with the poem.

Also, "Wait, where is the National Lampoon credit in the title? Because this is clearly a parody of Beowulf by someone still bitterly resentful of having to read it for school!"

I've only ever heard it use as a descriptor of big screen Masterpiece Theatre type film, as in "this is like a Merchant Ivory pic" or "Merchant Ivory production values" but without any value judgment attached (other than that the sets and costumes would be top of the line), just as a way of letting you know what it…

I wonder if Cafe Press can make one for you?

There were other pre-revolutionary American cities! Some of them still have original seventeenth century buildings standing, like Portsmouth, right next to the more modern and contemporary architecture. I'm sure any of them would be happy to host a movie in the off-season when the tourists have gone to warmer climes.

I'm pretty sure there were some Thirties Quirky Comedies of this sort.

Meyers: "Let's make a movie about people as bland, boring and monocultural as me and all my friends! Who wouldn't want to pay to watch alternate versions of us on the big screen?"

Dunno, I've been around for a long time and I can't actually remember when Cage wasn't a joke. I know people were pretty freaked out when he was cast in the adaptation of Captain Corelli's Mandolin, and that was what, 2000? Because it seemed like they were going to make a joke of it, by casting an OTT character actor…

Sony still has a chance to get into the red on Rotten Tomatoes — five chances, actually, with The Walk, Goosebumps, Spectre, The Night Before, and Concussion…