Oh my gosh, that is the cutest photo!

I wouldn't mind kids at weddings, but why the hell would they want to be there? Here is a central truth: WEDDINGS ARE BORING FOR KIDS. You don't want hostages at your wedding, so just tell your guests to get babysitters and everyone's happy.

Yes, "fake" blood.

I honestly don't mind going to someone else's wedding and running into kids because they can be cute, and as long as the actual couple wants them there I don't see a problem. But do not, DO NOT bring your kid to a wedding if they cannot sit through a wedding. At my uncle and (new) aunt's wedding some ridiculous weirdo…

Can Robert be hired for weddings?

Sounds like everyone involved would prefer your solution of staying home with your kid!

My aunt had kids and cap guns at her second wedding. This went about as well as you would expect.

So I was once a child excluded from the rehearsal dinner. My younger brother was the ringbearer for my dad's brother's wedding. Since it was my dad's brother and my brother was in the wedding. My dad, my mom, and my brother were invited to the rehearsal dinner. I was not. My own grandmother was paying for the…

No kids, because at some point during EVERY party my friend Robert (bless his dumb fucking dipshit heart) gets drunk, whips his dick out and says something terrible in broken Spanish. We've been thrown out of many bars in Los Angeles.

Admittedly I love GP's eye makeup in her "glam" photo, but clearly she has nothing on MD's glam game.

I had an outdoor wedding in a provincial park. There was a playground nearby. Kids were invited, and if they couldn't sit still, they were sent to the park. Worked perfectly, and one of my nephews told me I had the best wedding ever and asked if I could do it again.

If Madeleine ever leaves Jezebel, I'll just give up.

They're all serious.

Okay, this whole Kylie-Jenner-Overdrawn-Lips trend has got to stop.

Yes, exactly. I'm wearing it today.

GLAMTRAN #2 is also suitable for hungover days at the office. The eye makeup says "I am totally awake and definitely do not need to barf!" and the lipstick says "There is no way I could possibly have this much lipstick on and also have just barfed, I'm clean! CLEAN!"

Thanks, I've been waiting more than 12 years to enter a "worst kids at wedding" story contest.

"8.43 percent of you (501 votes) chose Other (whatever that means)."

That is fairly accurate, in terms of how my Barbie lineup looked. Missing limbs were not at all uncommon in my Dream House...