I used to claim a lot of different food allergies.. when I was really anorexic and had no way to get out of a public eating experience. I also became vegan to explain all the foods I no longer ate. Could your family member be doing this? Giuliana Rancic advised in a diet/exercise article (I think from her blog? This…

This. I’m 33 weeks pregnant and my mother is already trying to pre-schedule me for pilates classes THREE TIMES A WEEK starting as soon as I get home from the hospital. Okay, that’s not exactly true. She said I’d need a week for recuperation first. Thanks, Mom(my Dearest)!

Ha! My husband pulled a rubber chicken out from under my dress before he pulled out the garter. It's a looong-standing family joke with my one uncle and this rubber chicken so we got some good laughs from it. Then, for extra flair, my best friend had provided me with the trashiest bright red lace garter from the…

I would bet GOOD money that girl is Mormon. I am a Mormon and the specific ilk of Utah Mormons to which she belongs embarrasses me.

Gonna have to disagree with you there. I'm pregnant and my uterus troll saw those suckers on the shelf at the super market and forced me to buy them. I had one and was not impressed. Because the cake inside is not the moist Twinkie cake, it's more like the dryer, more crumbly ding dongs cake. Or even the yellow cake…

Gads, I was forced to watch every single episode because it was my mom's favorite show ever. Because she IS Hyacinth. I still can't watch it because it reminds me too much of my parents' dynamic. "Mind the pedestrian, Richard!" My mom does this. ALL the time. Including correcting the way my dad breathes. Not kidding.

Okay. They got me. I cried! And now I feel super guilty for wearing my curls flat-ironed today.

Ohmygosh yes to your cat question. Last night, in order to cut the tension and prevent an emotional tailspin (inside my own head) I had to verbalize my half-joking* suspicion that "my" dog is starting to like my husband more. Obviously, both of our dear dogs are "our" dogs but this guy was one I rescued while my…

Nice choice. I had dill pickles and Lucky Charms cereal for dinner last night. Was there too much sodium? Too much fake sugar? Probably some petro-chemical byproducts in my "marshmallow" pieces? Yes. Did I eat it all up and drink the milk at the bottom like a hungry calf? YES. And it was PERFECT. And then I took extra…

I leave mine up on the shower walls as a warning to other hairs. Plus I am proud to display them like the pelts of my slain enemies. PS- "90s Alanis Morisette hair" is the BEST description ever and I'm totally using it forever. It rolls off the tongue a lot nicer than 'bedraggled brunette mermaid', which is how I…

My nephew and his girlfriend (both seniors in high school and dating for the last 2.5 years) STILL do these ridiculous prom-HURK-posals that have to include elaborate scavenger hunts, gifts (not inexpensive ones either, we're talking he bought her an entire outfit with a necklace and new shoes for one of these deals),…

Speaking of exposed parts, am I the only one who googled "de-gloving"? THE HORROR.

I'm weirdly fascinated with the idea of johnny-tapping my husband just to see how much it *actually* hurts. From time to time I try to catch him unawares and get a gentle swat to the sac in (just to see if I could drop a 6'5" dude like him, not to do any major damage) but he's amazingly agile when it comes to avoiding…

When I was 6 or 7, I accidentally ran full speed into the hard wooden corner of a bench seat that was the perfect vag-height for a girl my age. I remember crumpling forward wondering what the hell had just happened to me and then being carried to a nurse.

"Why eat out if your diet is so restricted ..."??? A question I asked myself one busy Saturday night when I was the only hostess at our 135-seater restaurant that's housed in a creaky and cramped old Victorian brownstone. (But ridiculously charming and romantic and people would get engaged there all the time for the…

Seriously. I must also be in a mood. That music was pap. The whole pace and tone were cloying. It could have been cute and fun if it weren't struggling so damn hard for poignancy. Vom. Also, I'm pregnant and eating what is basically a tureen of mashed potatoes at my desk because it's the only thing that doesn't smell…

Those cheeks! I may have just started making pinching gestures at my computer screen (I'm at work) and one of our paralegals may have just walked by the open door to my office. Worth it!

I make more money than my husband. (A lot more.) Having been single, entirely financially self-reliant and living on my own for the 10 years before I met Mr. LaBuck (and also being the Type A control freak, suspicious and risk-averse attorney that I am) I had no need or desire to cede financial control over to anyone…

Ummm, excuse me but in that 2nd picture— is that MELLIE in a wedding gown??? I thought she was never gonna get married again! And, yes, hello, I am one of your people. We are a proud people.