What can you say...some people are just klutzy!

I woke up this morning from the most wonderful dream that I was kissing Rihanna...or at least someone who looks like her.

This reminds me of my piece of shit high school history teacher who called our Colombian exchange student “Drug Lord” all year long instead of by his actual name. Ugh.

Edited to add: This was in Oregon.

The “Lord of the Bling” skits are hysterical.

Career Goals: BOFH

Haha I work at the help desk at a college and I cannot believe some of the fucking Luddites we have as professors here. You’d think half of them had never even used a computer before.

I saw an elderly woman eat pickled eggs from a jar on the Toronto subway one time. Shells and all. The stench was indescribable.

In the 70s, my grandma was thrown out of traffic court by the judge. Her infraction? DARING to wear PANTS to court.

Oh shit I am CRYING with LOL because whenever my husband and I shower together it always starts out fun but inevitably ends with him going, “Honey, what’s this? Is it a mole? Can you check it? Am I dying of melanoma?” and then losing the race to rinse my hair fully before the hot water runs out.

I have several pairs of coloured/patterned tights from AdditionElle and they look and fit great.

I have several pairs of coloured/patterned tights from AdditionElle and they look and fit great.

I despise American Apparel for so many reasons, but their thigh-high socks go ALL THE WAY UP on even MY mastodon-esque thighs.

I despise American Apparel for so many reasons, but their thigh-high socks go ALL THE WAY UP on even MY…

I’m suddenly reminded of those “Go Fug Yourself” articles written from Jennifer Lopez’s perspective, talking about how Marc Anthony was a vampire...he DOES look slightly undead.

Ugh. I worked in Ocean City for a summer, the year Hurricane Irene dropped in for a visit; we also felt that Virginia earthquake, and a friggin’ TORNADO hit the building I worked in. Glad I GTFO before the plague of locusts and rain of blood.

Gives “Polyjuice” a WHOLE new meaning...

I actually heard that line in an episode of “Daria” and when the opportunity arose, I jumped on it like headcrabs on Black Mesa employees.

I immigrated here from Portland, Oregon. The “politeness” spores haven’t quite taken yet.

I was cracking up laughing afterwards, apparently double-doubles are SERIOUS BUSINESS.

I live in a rich-bitch suburb of Toronto, and one morning while I was waiting in line at Tim Horton’s, this bleach-blonde, Botoxed trophy-wife harridan storms in, cuts in front of me, and starts screaming at the Indian girl working the cash register about how “OMG MY COFFEE WAS WROOOOONG” and how “OMG THIS PLACE…

Ugh, I dated a guy whose parents were deep into Amway...his dad SWORE that “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” would change my life. He was right, but only in the sense that I think I lost a significant amount of brain cells after reading that shit.